The Chronicles of Misfitverse
by NebulaBelt
Summary: A sadistic author forces the Misfitverse crew to perform in a parody of C.S. Lewis' masterpiece: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. For Red Witch and RogueFan.
1. Chapter 1

**PROLOGUE**

The curtain rises and NEBULABELT walks on stage. "Welcome one and all! NEBULABELT here! In recognition of ROGUEFANKC's "The Last Unicorn" parody and in honor of RED WITCH'S Misfitverse I have decided to do the only sensible thing possible…"

"What? By having a knock-off of a knock-off?" Lance yelled. He and the rest of the Misfitverse cast: X-Men, Misfits, Joes, Cobra, Hellions, villains, etc. were all sitting in the audience seats of a large theater.

"Jeeze, could there be anything worse?" Kurt asked.

"Maybe, but they all involve massive organ failure." Jetstream groaned.

"Quiet you!" NEBULABELT ordered. "I am your master! I am your CREATOR! I am—"

"A guy who really needs to stop ripping off 'Beast Wars' and get a life!" Wanda interrupted.

"You know I don't _have_ to finish." NEBULABELT sniffed.

"I wish you would." Fred muttered.

"Hey, quit it!" NEBULABELT whined. "RED WITCH and ROGUEFANKC are watching!" He pointed to the balcony where the two hapless authors were tape-ducted to their seats.

"HMHMHMHMHMFFF!" RED WITCH and ROGUEFANKC screamed into their gags.

"If he makes a pun about a captive audience." Low Light growled. "I'll kill him." NEBULABELT—who had been about to do just that—decided wisely to move along.

"Any who!" He said abruptly. "I've brought them here to witness my own parody! Hey, they've done some and now it's my turn!"

"Why did you bring them here again?" Lina asked as the two authors struggled to escape. "Not that I mind them being tied up and gagged mind you…"

"Well I mean to capture…er, invite—all the Misfitverse authors! AGENT-G, L1701E, QUILLIAN, CALLISTOLEXX, SPARKY GENOCIDE, TODD FAN, and the rest! That way, I'll be the only Misfit author left! Then I will take over the Misftiverse and do whatever I want to **their** characters too! Haha! I'll make parody after parody and release them on an unwitting public, driving them to the breaking point and crushing their spirits! And then **I WILL RULE THE WORLD**! **YES**! **HAHAHA**! I'm a naughty boy! Naughty! Naughty! Nau-ahem" NEBULABELT cleared his throat when he noticed everyone staring. He coughed nervously.

A cricket chirped.

"Yes, well on with the show! I have decided to do an abridged version—"

"YAY!" Everyone shouted at the word 'abridged.'

"KNOCK IT OFF!" NEBULABELT shouted. "Like I was saying, I'm doing an abridged version of C.S. Lewis' 'The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe' starring the Misfitverse cast!"

"CRAP!" Everyone moaned. Smiling at their pain, NEBULABELT continued.

"Right, now because I'm not half the author ROGUEFAN is—"

"—and because he's a lazy jerk." Besty added.

"I wont be doing a script format of the entire book." NEBULABELT said. "It would just take too long and frankly, I'm not clever enough to write jokes for the whole thing…"

"We can tell!" Sam shouted. NEBULABELT glared at him.

"So thanks to the wonders of a fully holographic stage, blah blah blah, holodeck, blah blah technobullcrap the show will seem even more realistic! So without further ado, I give you 'The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe!' Take it away!"

"Please, take **HIM** away!" Althea groaned.

**Tune in next time for the start of the play!**


	2. Chapter 2

As NEBULABELT hurried off the stage, the curtains opened. From inside his sound-proof booth (which was also fire, bullet, and laser proof) NEBULABELT started reading.

"Our story begins in Great Britain during the magical years of the Second World War—" Several explosions, provided by Tabby, went off, scaring a good year off the lives of everyone in the audience.

"**BOOM**!** BOOM**!** BOOM**!** BOOM**!"

"Well, I'm awake…" Dead Girl said.

"Yeesh! Tabby could you cut it down on the explosions! That was loud enough to wake the dead!" Pietro complained.

"And I outta know!" Dead Girl added. NEBULABELT continued.

"During the German bombing of British cities, the children of Britain were evacuated to the countryside. Among them were the four Pevensie children, two boys and two girls. Peter, the oldest—"

"OWW!" SCOTT said as he was tossed on stage.

"Susan, the next oldest…"

"Watch it!" ROGUE snapped as she was shoved on stage.

"Edmund, the third child (and a snotty little bastard to boot)…"

"Hey, why was **I** picked for this role?" BOBBY demanded as he was hauled on stage. Everyone just looked at him incredulously for asking.

"And Lucy, the youngest." NEBULABELT finished as BRITTANY DELGADO walked on stage.

"Waitaminute! Arcade exclaimed. "Why her?"

"Because the author has some pretty flagrant favoritism, that's why!" Quinn snapped.

"What, you **wanted** to be in this shlock?" Daria asked her.

"Look," NEBULABELT sighed. "There are only four Pevensie children and **one** Lucy! I couldn't justify having all three of them having the part! They may alternate and take turns, but ultimately, Brittany is Lucy and that's that."

"Then why not get someone else, so you didn't have to choose?" Doug asked.

"All the other age appropriate characters are ineligible. Naomi can't speak English, Torpid and Penny can't speak **period**, and as for Spyder …" NEBULABELT winced. "Let's just say that Trinity was the only realistic choice and Brittany won the toss."

"And doesn't this story have some pretty Christian overtones? I mean she is a kid you know…" Jesse said.

"And the anti-Christ." Amira noted.

NEBULABELT just looked at her. "Really. I had **no** idea." He said sarcastically. "Besides, it's a parody! No can possibly take anything of religious significance away from this!"

"Except maybe knowledge that Doomsday is on its way…" Roberto said.

NEBULABELT ignored that. "Besides, I like to think of it as a chance to turn things on their head. Heck, I would've given the role to Kitty if I didn't think the audience would commit suicide first!"

"Good point." Rogue conceded.

"Hey!" Kitty said, stomping her foot.

"Moving along…" NEBULABELT said. "The four Pevensie children were bustled off by their mother into the English countryside to wait out the war."

"So basically I'm in a role where my parents kicked me out again huh?" Bobby snorted. "That fits!"

"Hey, I WISH my parents had given me the boot!" Rogue snapped.

"Speak for yourselves!" Scott said. "I would've liked to get the chance to **know** my parents!"

"And I haven't seen my mother in years…." Brittany sniffed.

"Oh boy." NEBULABELT groaned. "Anyway, they were sent to the house of a Professor Digory Kirke."

"Why me?" PROFESSOR XAVIER groaned as he was rolled onto the stage. "Why always me?"

"Because misery loves company." Rogue said.

"And on that note." NEBULABELT remarked. "Here's his housemaid Ms. Macready!"

MS. MARCH was hurled onstage. "I'll get you for this, you mutie-lover!"

"I thought it was **Mrs**. Macready." Peter said.

"It is, but I thought the idea of her being married was just too much for the audience to accept." NEBULABELT admitted.

"Man's got a point." Remy agreed.

"So, the Pevensies arrive at the Professor's house in the country." NEBULABELT said again. "And once there…"

**SCENE** **CHANGE**

"Okay you mutie brats!" Ms. March snarled as she drove them up to the Mansion in a horse-drawn carriage.

"She must not have been able to fit them all onto her broom." Kitty snickered from the audience.

"Here we are!" Ms. March announced sullenly.

"The narrator already said that." Rogue grumbled.

"What do we do now, 'Ms. Mcready?' " Brittany asked.

"Bite me." Ms. March snapped. "I didn't want you brats at the Mansion but I'll be damned before—"

"**TOO** **LATE**!" Everyone in the audience shouted together.

"—I let you disturb the Professor." She ground out, glaring at the audience. "Don't touch anything! Don't make any noise! In fact, don't even breathe! I'll be off tending to my job!"

"Which is what exactly?" Bobby asked. Suddenly they all heard a bell ring.

"MS. MACREADY!" The Professor shouted from upstairs. "Get up here and finish scrubbing the toilets!"

The children attempted to suppress their snickering as Ms. March stormed upstairs.

"So how do we kill our time here…'Peter?'" Rogue asked Scott.

"Let's have some fun and play a game!" Scott said with much less enthusiasm than anyone ever saying those words had used.

"Scott wanting to play games and have fun?" Forge snorted.

"Man did they ever pick the wrong guy for this role!" Jamie said.

"You clearly haven't seen him and Jean." Ray snickered. "They have their own games they like to play…"

"**DIE**!" Jean screamed as she started to throttle him. Above Ray's death yells, the four Pevensie children decided to play hide and seek…in the hopes of managing to sneak out of the theater

"Don't even try it!" NEBULABELT shouted. "All the doors are locked, all the windows sealed. And the walls, ceiling, and floor are completely unbreakable!"

"DO'H!" They cursed.

"Let's just play." Scott sighed. "I'll count to a hundred."

"If he can." Lance snickered.

"One…two…three…four…" The other three Pevensie children wandered off to find a place to hide. Rogue hid in an oversized trunk. Bobby hid in a laundry basket. Brittany wandered from place to place, trying to find a suitable hiding spot. Finally, she walked into a room that was bare save for…bum bum bum!…a wardrobe.

"I might as well." She sighed as she walked into it, closing the door behind her. She started walking towards the back of the closet, which turned out to be a lot further back than she would've first guessed.

"…What?" Brittany gaped as she walked into some snow-covered branches. She kept walking and soon found herself in the middle of a snow-covered forest, next to a randomly placed lamppost. It was snowing out and very cold.

"Well..." Brittany said as she looked around. "This is new." She held her arms and shivered. "I don't think I like **this** much snow."

"Me neither." XI said as he appeared. "Hello, I'm Mr…do I really have to say this?"

"Yes, Xi you do." NEBULABELT snickered. "You were such a big star in 'The Last Muticorn' I just **had** to give you a part!"

"Fine." Xi grumbled, already planning horrible revenge. "I'm…Mr. Tumnus." He ground out. "I'm a fawn."

Snickering broke out in the audience.

"Are you a…daughter of Eve?" Xi asked Brittany.

"My mother's name is Mara." Brittany blinked.

"I mean, are you human?" Xi asked.

"Do mutants count as human?" Brittany asked. "There seems to be some debate…"

"Could you please hurry this along?" Xi pleaded. "I'm cold-blooded and it's freezing out here!"

"Sorry." Brittany said. "Yes I am."

"Where did you come from?" Xi asked.

"My mommy said I came from Heaven." Brittany said.

"Ha!" Althea snorted.

"That ain't where you're gonna end up, though!" Sam pointed out.

"If she comes from Heaven, I think I'll take my chances with H-E-double hockey sticks." Kitty said. Brittany and Xi ignored them.

"Where am I?" Brittany asked.

"This is Narnia." Xi said.

"Where is that?" Brittany asked. Xi shrugged.

"Somewhere. All our products are made in China or Japan…not that that means much. Anyway, would you like to come back to my place for some tea?" Xi asked Brittany.

"I do not know…my mother always told me to be wary around strange men…"

"Should've listened to her own advice!" Althea muttered.

"Well, they don't get much stranger than **Xi**." Peter noted.

"But, I am not a man." Xi pointed out.

"**I** was once a man!" Cobra Commander shouted drunkenly. "A **maaaan**!"

"Who got Cobra Commander drunk?" Destro moaned.

"Well, if you're not a man, then I suppose it's all right." Brittany said. "Lead the way Mr. Tumnus." Xi grumbled and led her to his home.

"This is nice." Brittany said as she and Xi sat down in his home.

"Thank you. I don't get many visitors with this blasted winter."

"Well winter isn't all bad." Brittany pointed out. "There's snowball fights, spiking the eggnog, greasing the wheels on Senator Kelly's car, arguing over the sexuality of fictional characters, getting people drunk, alien invasions, mooning Donald Trump, blasting Santa Claus…"

"I am **so** glad that I'm a Muslim!" Amira said.

"…insane relatives, attacking our enemies, caroling demons, big dinners, Christmas…"

"Oh we haven't had Christmas in over a hundred years." Xi told Brittany sadly.

"What? Is everyone Jewish here?" She asked.

"Couldn't be." Wanda said. "If everyone were Jewish they would've taken off for Florida as soon as the first snowflake fell!"

"It is always winter but never Christmas." Xi explained. "The White Witch keeps Father Christmas out of Narnia."

"Whose the White Witch?" Brittany asked.

"She's the one who rules Narnia." Xi said in a low voice, afraid of being overheard. "She's declared herself Queen of Narnia and rules here with an iron fist."

"My kind of woman!" Destro said.

"Excuse me?" The Baroness hissed, sitting right next to him. "What was that?"

"That's terrible!" Brittany said.

"It gets worse…" Xi sighed. "She has orders to arrest any Son of Adam or Daughter of Eve who sets foot in Narnia…the entire reason I brought you here was to turn you over to her!"

"You'll never take me alive!" Brittany yelled as she kicked Xi in the chest with a flying kick. "Hi-ya!"

"Owww!" Xi said as he smacked his head against a wall. "I said I **was** going to! I couldn't do it after seeing what an—" Xi gave a strangled snort "—innocent little child you are. Hurry! Back to your own world before the White Witch's spies find you here!"

"Man, what I wouldn't give for a teleportation watch." Brittany muttered as she and Xi ran for the lamppost.

When they arrived, Althea noticed something. "Waitaminute! That's Daria!" She pointed. NEBULABELT shrugged.

"There was a substitution made."

"Hurry on through!" Xi urged her. "Farewell, Daughter of Eve!" Daria headed back through the wardrobe and then out the door only to bump into Bobby.

"Hey, I'm trying to hide here!" Bobby hissed as he jammed a lampshade on his head and pretended to be an oversized lamp.

"I always knew Bobby wasn't that bright." Sam snickered.

"Yeah, a real dim-bulb!" Fred laughed.

"But did you wonder where I had gone to?" Daria asked.

"Gone where? You were gone for about a minute! And such a wonderful minute it was…" He sighed nostalgically.

"I went into the closet and found another world in there!" Daria said as Scott and Rogue appeared.

"Why, did Forge put his IM NUTS machine in there?" Rogue groaned. Daria shook her head.

"No, this was a cool world! Really cool…freezing actually. See, there's this witch and she turned Narnia into a frozen wasteland without Christmas and I met a fawn and—"

"Yeah, and I met a mermaid in the bathtub." Rogue said sarcastically.

"What was Althea doing in the bathtub?" Toad asked, missing the sarcasm.

"Waiting for you Toddles." Althea grinned. The audience shuddered. NEBULABELT gagged.

"Please, move along!" NEBULABELT begged. "Please!"

"Stop pretending Lucy." Scott said, still looking ill. "Magical worlds and portals don't just appear out of random!"

"Says you!" Illyana Rasputin shouted from the audience.

"I am not pretending!" Daria wailed, stomping her foot.

"Grow up." Bobby groaned. "And stop acting like Kitty."

"Hey!" Kitty protested. "You're a dead man Drake!"

"But I really did visit another world, honest!" Daria insisted. But no one would believe her.

&&&


	3. Chapter 3

That night, Quinn made her way to the wardrobe, followed by Bobby.

"Maybe if I just lock her in that stupid wardrobe, I can get some peace of mind around here." Bobby muttered as he watched Quinn walk into the wardrobe. He locked the door behind Quinn and waited for her please to let her out. When he heard nothing Bobby started getting suspicious. "Okay, what's the deal?" Bobby said as he opened the door and walked inside.

"Okaaay…this is getting weird." He noted as he ended up walking straight into a tree.

"Only Bobby could walk into a wardrobe and smack his head into a tree." Angelica noted.

"Wow….this is my kinda place!" Bobby said as he transformed into his ice form.

"If anyone starts singing the _Snow_ _Miser_ song." NEBULABELT said. "I'll do a parody of _Manos: The Hands of Fate_. I mean it!"

As Bobby looked around he barely noticed the reindeer-drawn carriage until it nearly run him over.

"Aww," Fred snapped his fingers. "Just missed!"

"**Yow**!" Bobby yelled as one sled went over his foot.

"Or not." Monet said with aplomb. "I guess that's what hit and runs were like before cars were made."

"Watch where you're driving you lousy little…**dwarf**?" Bobby gaped.

"I hate my life." TREVOR FITZROY muttered as he sat in the driver's seat, wearing an obviously fake beard and shrunk courtesy of Forge's shrink ray to dwarf size.

"Not as much as I do!" NEBULABELT shouted. "Now say your lines and do your part and I **may** restore you to your original size!"

Cursing under his breath, Trevor Fitzroy declared, "All hail Jadis! Queen of Narnia and Empress of the Lone Islands!"

Sitting in the carriage was…EMMA FROST in her diamond form.

"Of course it'd be Emma Frost." Lina said.

"White Queen, White Witch." Fred shrugged. "It works either way." Frost glared at them before kicking Fitzroy in the back of her head with her high heels.

"Miserable fool!" She spat, genuinely enjoying herself. "How could you be such an idiot? Don't you see that we have a son of Adam with us?"

"My sister didn't meet anyone like you." Bobby said as he looked at Frost, in her Hellfire Club clothes.

"Your sister? A human was in Narnia already? Crap. I mean, where are your siblings now? I'd just love to meet them!" Frost gushed

"Why do you want to meet them?" Bobby asked. "I'm the smart one!"

The entire audience burst out in derisive laughter. Even Frost snickered.

"I'll make you a prince, give you candy, make you ruler of the world, blah blah blah. Whatever floats your boat," She shrugged.

"Well taking candy from strangers and bringing young children to an older woman seem perfectly fine to me." Bobby said. "I'll do it!"

"Where's McGruff the Crime Dog when you need him?" Roberto wondered aloud.

"That's the spirit!" Emma Frost said encouragingly. "Have a Turkish Delight."

"What the hell's a Turkish Delight? Don't you have any Twix?" Bobby asked. Emma Frost narrowed her eyes.

"Here!" Frost said, jamming the candy in his mouth. "Enjoy!"

"MMMMFF!" Bobby said as he tried not to choke.

"I guess Kitty made those." Wanda guessed as she watched Bobby turn purple.

"And don't tell anyone you met me either!" Frost said. "Come on lackey." She snapped at Fitzroy as he grumbled and drove the sled away.

"Well, that went well." Bobby said cluelessly. He made his way back to the spot where he exited the wardrobe only to find Quinn waiting there.

"You found your way in too?" She asked. "That's great! Now we can bring the others!"

"Sure." Bobby lied. "That's really great." Bobby and Quinn made their way back through the wardrobe and were met by Scott and Rogue.

"Where were you two?" Scott asked.

"We went to Narnia! The both of us! Edmund can yell you! Tell 'em!" Quinn said, tugging on his arm. Scott and Rogue turned to Bobby.

"Don't look at me." Bobby said. "She's crazy!"

"Well, **Duh**." Pietro said, rolling his eyes. "That doesn't really answer the question though."

"I was just pretending, you know, going along with her little fantasy." Bobby explained. Quinn's eyes started tearing up.

"Even for Bobby this is low." Shane said. "To say nothing of cold!"

"You big **jerk**!" Quinn said as she kicked him in the shin and then ran off.

"**OW**!" Bobby winced, cradling his injured leg and hopping on one foot. "What did I do?"

"Do you want the short list, or the long?" Scott demanded. "We're going to go check on her. Could you possibly **try** acting like a decent human being sometime?" Scott and Rogue went after Quinn.

They found her crying in the arms of Professor Xavier, who looked on the verge of tears himself. "Please," he practically sobbed. "Don't send these little maniacs to me!"

"Sorry about this professor." Rogue said as she took Quinn's arm and led her to the door. "She's just been getting all worked up about this magical world she made up."

"She certainly seems to think it's real." Xavier said.

"And he's a telepath." Logan said.

"But, it's just ridiculous!" Rogue exclaimed. Xavier looked at her.

"Is it?" He asked.

"Yeah, I mean this is actually pretty tame compared to most of the stuff we do!" Jean noted.

Xavier went on. "Of your two siblings, who's more prone to lying? Which one does more stupid things?"

Scott and Rogue looked at each other. "Bobby." They said in a heartbeat.

"It's like _Sophie's Choice For Dummies_." Althea snorted.

"Well, then." Xavier said, clasping his hands together. "There you go! I mean that. **Go**." Scott and Rogue left, feeling very confused and wondering just how they were going to pay NEBULABELT back for this.

The next day saw the Pevensie children at play outside. "Do you think we can tunnel out?" Rogue asked.

"HEY! No escape attempts!" NEBULABELT shouted. "Just get on with it!"

"Hey, who wants a snowball fight?" Bobby asked as he created a snowball in his hands. "Ha!" He shouted as he tossed it at Scott. Scott snorted and blasted it with his optic blasts.

"Oh please, you'll have to do better than that!" He said.

"Okay, I **will**!" Bobby said as he threw another snowball at Scott. Scott ducked and a cold sounding splat was heard.

"**Who** **threw** **that**?" Ms. March bellowed. "When I get my hands on those freaks…"

"Way to go iceman!" Peter snorted.

"Great shot, deadeye!" Low Light called.

"Let's be anywhere but here!" Bobby gulped.

"Good idea, for once!" Rogue said.

"Inside!" Scott ordered. The four of them ran inside and searched high and low for a place to hide them all.

Finally, they found themselves in front of the wardrobe. "You've **got** to be kidding me!

Rogue groaned.

"We don't exactly have a choice here!" Scott said as the four of them squeezed their way into the wardrobe.

As they headed towards the back, they found that it was a lot farther than they originally thought. Soon, the four of them were standing in a snow covered forest.

"Wow…" Scott said.

"This is **impossible**…" Rogue gaped.

"Told ya!" Brittany stuck her tongue out. Scott blinked.

"That's right…you did." He said slowly. "Edmund!" He whirled on Bobby. "You lying little creep! Lucy was telling the truth! What's the matter with you?"

"Geez, where to start?" Betsy asked.

"Oh man, we could be here for hours!" Tarot exclaimed.

"All right, all right, I lied, so what?" Bobby snapped. "I'm sorry!"

"**NO** **KIDDING!**" The audience shouted at him.

"Hey, let's go visit Mr. Tumnus!" Brittany said. "He's the fawn I was telling you about!"

"Maybe we should leave while we still have the chance." Rogue advised.

"Pleeeease?" Brittany begged Scott.

"I don't see why not." Scott shrugged. Rogue rolled her eyes.

"This has the feeling of doom written all over it!" She moaned as she and her 'brothers' followed Brittany to Mr. Tumnus' home.

"Oh no…" Brittany said as they approached the house and saw it ransacked. They went inside and it looked even worse. Furniture was turned over, drawers were ripped open, books and belongings scattered on the floor, and claw marks everywhere.

"Looks like the Institute on a **good** day." Hank noted.

The Pevensies called Mr. Tumnus' name but there was no sign of him anywhere.

"Oh no, poor Mr. Tumnus!" Brittany said. "What could have happened to him?"

"Hey, there's a note on the door." Scott noted. He ripped it off and started reading. "The former occupant of these premises, the Faun Tumnus, is under arrest and awaiting trial on a charge of High Treason against her Imperial Majesty Jadis, Queen of Narnia, Chatelaine of Cair Paravel, Empress of the Lone Islands, etc. also of comforting her said Majesty's enemies, harboring spies and fraternizing with Humans. Signed Maugrim, Captain of the Secret Police. Love Live the Queen!"

"That doesn't sound good." Bobby observed.

"No, really. Ya think?" Rogue snapped.

"Is that the paw print of a **wolf** on the bottom there?" Brittany asked, pointing.

"Don't be ridiculous. Since when do wolves sign declarations with paw prints?" Rogue asked.

"Would you prefer they made their mark in the more traditional manner?" Scott countered.

"We already have that problem with Penny!" Jean groaned from the audience.

"Well, that's about it for Tumnus then." Bobby said. "Sucks to be him."

"Better than being Bobby." Lance chimed in. Brittany just glared at Bobby.

"We're not just going to abandon poor Mr. Tumnus! He saved my life!"

"From what? **He** was the one who was going to turn you in, in the first place!" Rogue pointed out.

"Plus we have no idea where he is or how to find him." Bobby added. Scott cleared his throat.

"Those points aside, we're still going to rescue him."

"Gee…" Brittany said. "If only we had a helpful, but cute animal guide to show us where to go!"

"Hidey ho neighbors!" TODD said as he hopped over. "I'm Mr. Beaver!"

"I guess they were out of helpful but cute animal guides." Wanda groaned.

"Why in the world did you make **Toad** the Beaver?" Doug asked. "It makes no sense!"

"Toad's like an animal, a beaver is an animal. Toads live in swamps, beavers build dams in swamps…it was close enough." NEBULABELT said. "Continue!"

"Do you know Mr. Tumnus?" Brittany asked.

"This isn't something we should talk about out in the open." Todd said. "Besides, being an amphibian really **stinks** when it's cold out!"

"As opposed to you stinking all year round?" Scott quipped. Todd glared at him.

"Fine. I'll just leave you out here to be caught and gnawed to death by the wolves. Have fun with that."

"Wait, wait. He didn't mean it." Brittany said, batting her eyes and pouting. "Pleeease help us, we need to help Tumnus!" Todd sighed.

"Follow me." He said as he hopped along.

"So long as we stay downwind." Rogue muttered as the four Pevensie children followed the 'Beaver' through the woods to his home. They all stared at the cozy little dam he had made on a frozen lake, not far from a fallen waterfall.

"**Oh…Here we go off to Beaver Falls, Beaver Falls, Beaver Falls! Here we go off to Beaver Falls so early in the morning!" **Everyone in the audience sang, swaying in their seats.

"Cut that out!" NEBUALBELT shouted. "No MST3K gags!" **(&)**

"Nice place." Brittany said as they approached.

"Beaver! Where are you?" ALTHEA said as she opened the door. "Where have you been? I've been worried sick!" Then she gasped when she saw who was with Todd. "Are those…?" Todd puffed up with pride.

"Look who I found! The Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve."

"Oh my." Althea said as she started smoothing her hair. "You should have told me that we'd have company."

"Trust me, it wouldn't have helped any." Bobby snickered. Todd clenched his hand into a fist and prepared to punch his face in.

"No, no '_Beaver_!'" Althea said. "No punching the saviors of Narnia!"

"Saviors of Narnia?" Scott asked as they went inside. "What do you mean? And what happened to Tumnus?"

"The Witch's Secret Police picked him up. What didn't you read the note?" Todd asked. "Pay attention."

"The White Witch turns her victims into statues." Althea explained.

"Pigeons are probably pooping on him as we speak." Todd said mournfully. Brittany looked like she was on the verge of tears.

"Can't we do anything?" She asked.

"There's nothing that can be done for him, at least, not until Aslan arrives and the Prophecy is fulfilled."

"Care to elaborate a little?" Rogue asked.

"The prophecy is that when four humans, two Sons of Adam and two Daughters of Eve, appear in Narnia it means the end of the White Witch's hundred year rule and you four will become the Kings and Queens of Narnia!"

"Okay. So we're here. Case closed, can we go home now?" Rogue asked.

"Let me amend that. As soon as you help Aslan defeat the Witch, then you can go home. Simply huh?" Toad asked.

"Okay, I'll bite—"

"Ooh, kinky!" Remy called out; then screamed when Rogue hurled a chair at him.

"—Who is Aslan?" Rogue finished, smiling slightly over Remy's moans of pain.

"Aslan's the ruler of all Narnia, duh!" Todd said. "And Aslan's coming back to totally kick the Witch's tail!" Scott looked at him oddly.

"You must've made a mistake, we're no fighters—"

"Amen to that!" Lance shouted out.

"—or royalty." Scott finished with a glare.

"I don't know, Summers can be a royal pain!" Fred chortled.

"This is nuts. What do you think Bo—er, Edmund?" Rogue asked. "Not that I care. Edmund?" He was gone.

"Where'd he go?" Brittany asked. Todd looked nervous.

"Has your brother ever been to Narnia before?" He asked.

"I don't like the way you said that." Rogue commented.

"Yeesss…" Brittany said slowly.

"Crap." Todd commented simply. "He's gone and betrayed us to the Witch!"

"Whoa, didn't see **that** coming!" Lance said dryly.

"Yeah, I mean it isn't like it was **COMPLETELY OBVIOUS** or anything." Shane shouted.

**MEANWHILE…**

"Man, good thing I have my ice form, or else this might be unpleasant." Bobby said as he happily strolled through the frozen woods.

When he reached the Witch's ice castle he walked through the front door and into the main courtyard. It was full of statues made of…

"Are these diamonds?" Bobby asked excitedly. "Man, I could make a fortune if I just stole a couple of fingers!"

"Does anyone else find that line a little disturbing?" Dead Girl asked.

"Hey, I thought the witch was supposed to turn people into **stone**, not diamonds!" Everett noted. NEBULABELT shrugged.

"Hey, it's Emma Frost! Diamonds make more sense for her. Besides, you know what they say…diamonds are a girl's best friend!"

"Know we know." Pietro nodded.

"And knowing is…" Fred started to say.

"Another reason to go hit the bar later." NEBULABELT groaned. "Carry on."

Among the statues are CALLISTO, CALIBAN, LUCID, SCATTY, PORTAL, FAÇADE, SCALEFACE, and several other MORLOCKS. They were trapped in horrified poses with contorted expressions as they stood frozen—"Talk about life imitating art," Lance muttered—and totally unaware of the world around them.

"Boy, I envy them right now!" Jubilee groaned.

Bobby looked around. "I wonder how much I could get away with before the Queen noticed," He mused as he kept walking. Not looking where he was going, he was taken totally by surprise when a wolf knocked him down and growled in his face.

"Who are you?" RAHNE snarled at him. "I am Maugim, Captain of the Queen's Secret Police and if you do not answer me I'll gnaw your face off!"

"I'd like to thank Trinity for coming up with something to allow Rahne to speak when in wolf form!" NEBULABELT chimed in. "Makes this part **really** work!"

"As if he was going to put anyone else in this part." Angelica noted. "Of course he'd give Rahne a prominent role!"

"Wow, Rahne's really getting into her role, isn't she?" Sam asked.

"Bobby must've frozen up the girls' bathroom again." Tim guessed correctly.

"Please!" Bobby whined piteously. "Don't hurt me! The White Queen told me to come! I'm a Son of Adam!"

"You're a son of a something, I'll give you that." Rahne growled as she let him up. "Follow me."

Bobby trudged behind Rahne, until she brought him to the Witch's throne room. When Emma Frost saw Bobby enter without his siblings, she was enraged.

"Useless! Incompetent fool!"

"What did I do?" Fitzory the dwarf groaned. Emma glared at him.

"Not **you**! For **once**!" Turning her attention back to Bobby she glowered. "I asked you to do one thing…bring your siblings. Not too challenging a task to remember, now was it?"

"For Bobby, tying his shows is too challenging." Pietro cracked.

"But I did bring them! Part of the way at least. They're over at the Beaver's dam plotting your overthrow and talking about some guy named Aslan." Bobby said. "Can I have more candy now?"

"Way to keep your eyes on the prize ice-cube brain." Pyro snorted.

"Note to self: never include Bobby in on any conspiracies." Kitty said. "Even Jamie can keep secrets better than that!"

"On the other hand, it's useful to know that he's easily bribable." Spyder countered.

The White Witch looked outraged. "ASLAN? Coming **here**? Driver, ready my sled!" She screamed at Fitzroy. "Summon my wolves and send them to the Beavers!"

Rahne and the Bayville wolves, including AIDEN and LOBO appear,

"How much do you wanna bet that Rahne is enjoying the chance to boss around Aiden and the rest of them wolves?" Sam grinned.

"A good chance." Lina said. The wolves threw their heads back and howled ferociously before charging out the door and towards the Beavers' home..

"So, no candy?" Bobby asked.

&&&

**A/N: (&) There was an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 where Mike and the robots did that very routine when they heard the movie mention a place called (no joke) Beaver Falls.**

**I don't own MST3K and I don't own the Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Forgot to say that earlier. The X-Men, GI Joe, et al are © to their respective owners and the Misfitverse is © to Red Witch.**


	4. Chapter 4

"We have to get out of here!" Todd exclaimed as he and Althea hastily started putting provisions together.

"Be sure to bring plenty of soap!" Remy called from the audience. "You don't want to be around Toad without it!"

"But what about our 'brother?' " Rogue snorted before mumbling, "As if I didn't have enough siblings already!"

"Only Aslan can help him now!" Toad said.

"Or failing that, Psyche-Out." Forge noted from his seat.

"Where do we go from here?" Scott asked.

"Aslan's camp!" Todd said. "Rumor is he's setting up camp near the Stone Table. We have to hurry though! Thanks to your no-good brother, the Witch's agents could be on us any second!"

"I think you're stretching the point—" Scott started to say before a symphony of wolf howls cut him off.

"You were saying?" Althea asked.

"Take them!" Rahne ordered as the wolves surrounded the dam and started clawing their way in.

"Quick, through the conveniently placed escape tunnel!" Toad said.

"Built by rum smugglers back during Prohibition Days…" Jesse said, as if narrating on the History Channel.

"Rum? Where?" Shipwreck asked eagerly. The wolves burst in bare seconds after they fled. Rahne spied the tunnel entrance and growled in thwarted fury. She howled and was not alone.

"Hurry!" Todd urged as the howls grew louder.

"Nazgul!" Brittany yelled.

"Wrong story!" Scott said. "Still…move it!"

"They're in the tunnel!" Todd gasped.

"We noticed!" Rogue snapped.

"I see light up ahead!" Althea shouted.

"Stay away from the light! Stay away from the light!" Dead Girl shouted. "Trust me on this!"

Ignoring her, Althea, Todd, and the Pevensies crawled out of the tunnel and blocked the entrance.

"That oughta hold them for a little while, anywaaay!" Brittany yelped as she tripped over something. "Uh, Mr. Beaver? Do you collect Garden Gnomes?"

"Why do you want to—oh no." Todd's face fell as he turned around to see what Brittany fell over. The others turned around as well, and saw diamond statues of LANCE, FRED, PIETRO, WANDA, PYRO, ANGELICA, SPYDER, ARCADE, and SHANE.

"Say, weren't those guys just in the audience?" Amara asked.

"Let's just say there will be a lot of audience participation in this fic." NEBULABELT shrugged.

"And they say there's no Christmas in Narnia." Peter quipped from the audience.

"I'd say I've just gotten what I've wanted for Christmas!" Kitty agreed as she looked at the Misfits frozen under the White Witch's spell.

"That's not funny!" Lina snapped. She was the only Misfit left.

"Yeah, they missed these two." Scott groaned as he pointed towards Althea and Todd. They glared at him.

Todd turned back to look at the frozen statue of Fred. "Not again!" Todd groaned as he flailed his fists on Fred's statue. Althea put her hand on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry…"

"He was my best friend." Todd sniffed.

"Yeah, that Witch sure isn't what you'd call 'soft on crime.' " Lance's COYOTE said as he walked into the clearing.

"NOW I know why NEBULABELT decided to do the movie version." Kurt groaned. "He just wanted to give that stupid coyote some air time!"

"And knowing is…" General Hawk started to say. Everyone onstage and in the audience glared at him. "Never mind."

"What's the big deal with the Coyote?" Tabitha asked. "It isn't like RogueFan didn't do the same thing in 'The Last Muticorn.' There's a precedent."

"I **hate** precedents." Spirit groaned.

"Me too, that's why I don't vote." Shipwreck quipped.

"You!" Todd snapped as he lunged towards the Coyote. "Traitor!" The Coyote rolled his eyes.

"Oh please, as if! I'm one of the good guys!"

"If Lance were here—and not a statue—I'm sure he'd insert a big fat 'HA!' to that!" Paige said.

"You **look** like one of the bad guys." Todd said suspiciously.

"As if **Toad** should be commenting on anyone's looks!" Monet snipped. Althea glared balefully at her.

"If someone would be so kind…" She growled. Amira nodded.

"On it!" She said as she lunged at Monet and started beating the tar out of her. The Coyote sighed over the screams and shrieks of pain coming from the audience.

"It's true! I do look like the Witch's secret police! For shame that so many of my cousins work for her! If only—"

"I hate to cut this short," Scott started. "Oh wait, no I don't. Anyway, we really should get going before—" A sudden racket at the blocked tunnel entrance drew everyone's attention.

"We have to move!" The Coyote said. "Preferably to Rio! Failing that, you have to hide!"

"Dare I ask what is going on in that twisty little mind of yours?" Scott groaned. The Coyote just grinned.

As Rahne and the other wolves burst through the hastily constructed barrier, she saw that the clearing was empty, save for the Coyote. There were no tracks of her quarry either.

"Oh sweetheart…" The Coyote grinned at Rahne, wagging his tail in excitement. "Miss me?"

"Like a tapeworm." Rahne snarled. The Coyote scrunched up his face as if he were about to cry.

"How can you be so cruel?" He whimpered, pouring it on: his lower lip trembling and his eyes extra big and watery. The girls in the audience all sighed sympathetically.

"**_Awwww_**…."

"I wanted you to have our pups!" The Coyote cried.

"**I** wanted you spayed!" Rahne shot back. "Count yourself lucky!"

"Oh, wont you run away with me?" The Coyote begged.

"I'd be more likely to run away **from** you." Rahne groaned.

"Come on, marry me and let's get away from all this! Away from the witch…" The Coyote implored. Roulette snorted.

"So to get away from a witch, the Coyote is willing to marry a bit—OW!" She said as Lina smacked Roulette's face with her wing.

"This is pointless!" Aiden protested. Coyote just glared at him.

"What's that flea bag got that I haven't got?" He asked Rahne.

"Okay, there's **one** guy who's has less of a chance with me than you." Rahne admitted to the Coyote as she glared at Aiden evilly. "Don't let it go to your head."

"I **knew** you liked me!" The Coyote grinned. Rahne groaned.

"Me and my big mouth…" She shook her head. "Enough of this! We're looking for some humans."

"Humans? Here in Narnia?" The Coyote repeated innocently. "Hmmm…that's some valuable information to have…" He avoided looking up, where the beavers and Pevensies were hiding in the tree.

"Don't patronize me!" Rahne barked at him.

"What's in it for me?" The Coyote asked. "How about a nice vacation to Yellowstone, just you and me…" He grined.

Rahne turned to one of her wolves and nodded. The lackey leapt at the Coyote and dug his teeth into to coyote's back. The Coyote gave a pained sounding squeal as he was picked up and shook like a rag toy.

"Your reward will be your pathetic little life!" Rahne snarled. "It's not much…but still…"

The Coyote looked down. "North. They…went north." He said weakly.

"Why don't we bring him with us, so we can kill him if he's lying?" Lobo asked. Rahne looked at him.

"Do **you** want to bring him with us?" She asked him. Lobo frowned and shook his head. "Didn't think so." Rahne said. "Come on!" At that, the wolves headed north. The wolf biting down on the coyote flung him aside and followed the others.

Todd, Althea and the Pevensies climbed down and ran to the Coyote.

"Are you okay?" Brittany asked in concern.

"Is he ever?" Jean called.

"Whoever said love hurts certainly knew what he was talking about." The Coyote mused as Althea started tending to his wounds. "OW!"

""Love? Are you crazy? Scott asked. "Never mind. Stupid question." He shook his head. "She **hates** you, you dumb dog! She just had you mauled!"

"Your Majesty," the Coyote said, shaking his head. "A mauling can't stop true love." The Coyote said. "Merely delay it a little."

"Stop mangling _Princess_ _Bride_ and get on with the story!" NEBULABELT ordered.

"You heard the boss." The Coyote shrugged as he slowly stood up. "I have to go. Aslan has asked me to gather more troops."

"If Aslan's using the Coyote as a recruiter they must **really** be in trouble!" Roadblock groaned.

"You've met Aslan?" Todd practically squealed.

"Dish!" Althea said. The Coyote shrugged.

"Eh, Aslan's pretty okay…for a cat." Seeing everyone glare at him, the Coyote rolled his eyes. "All right: Aslan is all we ever dreamed of, the coolest kitty in the world. Happy?"

"**Much**!" The girls in the audience said dreamily.

"Oh brother." The boys groaned.

With that, the Coyote left. "We should get going too." Althea said.

**MEANWHILE…**

Bobby sat chained in an icy dungeon. "Well this bites." He muttered.

"I am not enjoying myself either." Xi said as he sat chained in the next cell. He looked at Bobby. "You're human? A Pevensie?"

"I'm Lucy's brother." Bobby said.

"You don't look a thing like her." Xi noted. "She's cute." The audience howled as Bobby turned red.

He was spared further humiliation—for the moment—when Emma Frost strode in. "Where are your siblings headed?" She demanded of Bobby.

"We all know where **she's** headed." Kurt quipped.

"Yeah, straight to old H-E-Double Hockey Sticks." Ray agreed.

"I don't know!" Bobby said. "I don't even know that they would know where they're going!"

"Let's not forget that **Summers** is the one leading them." Bevatron chuckled from his seat.

"Then you're useless!" Frost spat.

"It took her **how** long to realize this?" Jubilee asked incredulously.

"Oh man, I'm really between a rock and a hard place!" Bobby moaned.

"The rock being his head I assume." Betsy guessed. Emma blinked.

"Rock…that's it! That's where that mangy lion would go! The Stone Table!" She exclaimed. She smiled evilly. "And that means I may have some use for you yet."

"What am I, chopped liver?" Xi muttered in his cell.

"You can be if I desire it." Frost told him. "As a proven traitor I can do anything I wish to you." Deciding to twist the knife a little, she asked him. "Do you know why you're here?"

"Because you're evil." Xi answered.

"Good guess, but not what I was looking for." Frost said. To Bobby she said, "I really should thank you _Prince_ Edmund," She said, loading his title with more scorn than Bobby would have thought could be packed into a single word. Continuing, Frost said. "If you hadn't told me that your sister visited Narnia, I never would have found this treacherous fawn out." Frost grinned. Xi gaped at Bobby.

"Y-you…" Xi stammered. Frost grinned.

"Oh yes, your _savior,_" she scorned. "Works for me! **That** for prophecy." She said, snapping her fingers dismissively. "Now then I always wanted a new paper weight." Frost grinned as she took out her magic wand—

"Courtesy of Ollivanders." Jamie quipped.

—And waved it over the hapless Xi, turning him into a statue of diamond.

"Shine on you crazy diamond." Hank said.

"_Xi in the sky, with diamonds_…" Warren sang drunkenly.

"HEY! I thought I banned all alcoholic beverages in the theater!" NEBULABELT said indignantly.

"You did. That was right before we threatened to go on strike." Shipwreck reminded him. "It was a case of 'no booze, no show!' "

"WHAT?" Dr. Mindbender bellowed. "You mean we could've avoided this whole travesty if you could've just gone without drinking for a few hours?"

"Mindbender, remember who you're talking to." Destro groaned as he pointed at the audience. Warren, Shipwreck, Hank McCoy, Cobra Commander, and the Dreadnoks were all in various stages of inebriation.

"Oh yeah." Mindbender groaned. "I forgot."

Back on stage, Emma Frost just smiled. "Get my sled!" She ordered Fitzroy.

**MEANWHILE…**

Our heroes trudged over a frozen lake as they made their way to Stone Table.

"Over the river and through the woods, to Aslan's camp we go!" Todd sang.

"I can't believe they're following **Toad**!" Ray groaned.

"Who's more foolish, the Toad or the fool who follows one?" Sam asked rhetorically.

"They're right!" Rogue groaned. "We're doomed!"

"Hey! No responding to remarks from the audience!" NEBULABELT shouted.

"Hurry up!" Todd said as he hopped along. "We can't let them catch us!"

"Easy for you to say, you can hop!" Scott groaned. "And I have to carry Lucy!" Brittany sat on his shoulders.

"Giddyap!" She ordered. Scott rolled his eye.

"Knock it off! You're not exactly easy to carry around." Brittany glared at him and 'accidentally' smacked his face. "Hey! Why you little…" Scott growled.

"We've got company!" Rogue shouted as she pointed behind them. A sleigh was rushing up from behind.

"Run!" Althea yelled.

"Is that all they're going to do?" Roberto asked. "Run?"

"Wish we could." Remy grumbled. They had no sooner made it to the other side of the lake than the sled caught up with them. They blinked at the sight.

"Is it just me, or is that a **dinosaur** pulling that sled?" Rogue asked numbly.

"Princess Fluffieta Tinkerbell?" Brittany asked. Lina blinked.

"Wait a minute, I've seen that dinosaur before! That's Old Lace!" She exclaimed.

"Old Lace? What's she doing in this story?" Scott asked.

"A very brief cameo." Gertrude Yorkes groaned from her seat.

"The reindeer and all the other pack animals were too scared." NEBULABELT sighed wearily. "Old Lace was the only one who could manage to pull the sleigh and not be afraid of its driver."

Everyone turned to look at the sleigh's driver. It was LOGAN dressed in a Santa Claus-type suit. The audience's eyes bulged and jaws dropped. Then a low sniggering broke out that soon erupted into loud laughter.

"LOGAN?" Tabitha shrieked with laughter. "The **badger** as Santa Claus?"

"What a hoot!" Ray cackled.

"Where's the video tape?" Jamie asked. NEBULABELT leaned back and looked proud of himself. Logan's face turned red with barely suppressed rage.

"I am going to **kill** that guy…" He swore, his eye twitching dangerously.

"I don't believe this." Rogue said, astonished.

"Santa Claus?" Brittany asked. "But I thought that there hadn't been a Christmas in one hundred years!"

"The witch's power is failing." Logan sighed. "That's how I was able to get in…now you can watch me **leave**!"

"Hold on! Don't you have a hundred years of back presents due us?" Todd asked eagerly. Logan ignored him.

"Hmmm, what do I have here…?" Logan muttered as he dug through his sack full of weapons: swords, spears, javelins, maces, and a whole assortment of medieval weaponry.

"Santa Claus giving out weapons…this is new twist!" Hank blinked.

"Okay, **now** I can see Logan as Santa!" Tabitha said.

"Here we go. Lucy, this is for you." He said, giving Brittany a vial. "A single drop of this will cure any wound or illness…I know because that maniac Forge made it from **my** blood!" He growled.

"NEBULABELT made me!" Forge protested.

"For Susan, I have this. Sorry stripes." He said as he gave Rogue a bow and a quiver full of arrows. "Oh and here, this horn will come in handy." Logan added as he handed her a smooth white horn.

"What, can I bash people's head in with this?" She asked.

"Maybe." Logan shrugged. "I guess it's to call help with. Never use the thing personally. And finally," He said as he turned to Scott. "Your gifts." Logan gave Scott a long sword and a shield with a lion emblazed on it.

"Don't you have anything more useful? And Uzi or AK-47, perhaps?" Scott asked.

"Or a bazooka!" The Joe called Bazooka yelled from the audience. Logan shrugged again.

"Hey I gotta leave something left for me!" He said as he got back into his sleigh.

"What about us?" Todd protested. Logan glared at him and unsheathed his claws.

"Fine, here's your annual Christmas gift…I'm letting you live another year!" Logan snapped. "Come on Old Lace." Old Lace rolled her eyes and gave a martyred sigh as she started pulling the sled away.

"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good fight!" Logan called over his shoulder as he road off.

Dead silence reigned for a good long while.

"Well…" Todd said finally. "That was different."

**&&&**


	5. Chapter 5

"We are **so** lost!" Rogue groaned as the heroes continued their trek through the woods.

"Try Hare Krishna!" Cover Girl suggested.

"I know exactly where I'm going!" Todd snapped half a moment before he walked into a tree. "Oww…"

"Maybe **I** should lead." Althea suggested as she went out in front. "The Great River should be up ahead…found it!" She called. "But there's a little problem."

"Isn't there always?" Jean rolled her eyes.

"Dare I ask…" Scott groaned as the others followed Althea out of the woods and stopped at the bank of the river. "Well…" Scott said. "This sucks." After their meeting with Father Christmas, the Pevensies and Beavers made their way to The Great River. Unfortunately as Father Christmas' arrival had shown, the Witch's power—and winter—was weakening. The river ice was starting to melt.

"I guess you could say that they were on thin ice." B.A. quipped.

"After a pun like that, so are you!" Beach Head snapped.

"I'll try it first." Todd said as he stepped out onto the ice. He took a cautious step away from the bank. Then two. Nothing. "I think it'll hold."

"Good." Althea said as she cautiously stepped onto the ice. A loud sudden "**CRACK**!" resounded throughout the theater.

Sniggers broke out in the audience and Todd thoughtlessly blurted out "Geeze Al, have you been putting on weight or something?"

The theater grew so silent you could hear a pin drop. And everyone waited to see a pinhead _getting_ dropped.

**WHAT DID YOU SAY?"** Althea raged at Todd as she turned red.

"Of all the stupid things Toad has ever said, this takes the cake!" Kurt gasped.

"I can't look." Kitty said as she covered her eyes. "Oh yes I can." She remembered as she uncovered them.

Todd gulped and realized that the awful danger that he was in. "Al…smoopsy poo! Darling! Honey! I'm so, so, **so** sorr—eek!" He gagged as Althea started strangling him.

"Let's just go." Scott sighed. Rogue and Brittany looked at each other, shrugged and started walking. The ice started cracking underneath them.

"This is bad." Brittany gulped. "I know how this could get worse!" Scott looked at her strangely.

"Don't you mean; you **don't** know how things could get worse?" He asked. A chorus of howls startled them as Rahne and her wolves emerged on the scene. Some were sitting on the side of the river they had just come from and others were in front of them, cutting them off. Althea dropped Todd in sheer shock.

"No…" Brittany said flatly. "I said I knew how things could get worse, because every time someone says that they **don't know** how things can get worse, it does!"

"You think Scooter would've learned that by now." Tabitha noted.

Rahne and Aiden burst onto the river. Aiden pounced on Todd and bared his teeth an inch away from his throat.

"Hey!" Althea started to say as she stepped towards them. "No one throttles Todd but me!" Scott grabbed his sword hilt.

"Stop!" He shouted as he pointed his sword—still in its scabbard—at Rahne. She snorted. Scott swore and started shaking his sword in the hope of getting it out of its sheath. "Come on, come on!"

"Cut that out!" Rahne barked. "I'd say put that away before you hurt someone, but in this case…" Rahne snickered. "Anyway, leave now and your brother leaves with you."

"Maybe we should listen to her." Rogue suggested.

"Clever lass." Rahne grinned.

"You should let them **keep** Bobby!" Tim called out.

"Don't listen!" Todd shouted from his place on the ground. "Just kill her!"

"This isn't your war." Rahne urged Scott. "All my Queen wants is for you to take your family and go."

"You know just because some creepy Canadian in a red coat lobbed a sword at you doesn't mean that you're a hero, much less a king!" Rogue screamed at Scott. "Strange Canadian men in sleds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical Christmas ceremony!"

"Vlad might've thought that up." Amira mused from the audience.

"Be quiet!" Scott snapped, but Rogue continued ranting.

"…if I went around saying I was an Empress because some old guy in a cart lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!" Rogue yelled.

"I thought I told you to shut up!" Scott asked her. "Stop being so sarcastic!"

"I'm trying to be logical!" Rogue protested.

"No, you're just trying to be smart!" Scott snapped.

"Isn't that the same thing?" Remy wondered.

"He saying that like it's a bad thing!" Doug remarked.

"No I'm trying to be not **doomed**!" Rogue snapped back.

"Um hello?" Rahne asked reminding them she was still there. "I can't wait forever—we don't get paid overtime—and neither will the river!"

"Just kill her!" Todd urged again. "Narnia needs you!"

"Rahne or Toad…wow, that's a tough choice." Dani said sarcastically. "Another Sophie's Choice for Dummies!"

"The ideal situation would be for Scott to run **Toad** through." Ray said.

"How would that help Narnia?" Lina asked. Ray shrugged.

"Narnia, Shmarnia, it'd help **us**!" Lina just shook her head and turned away from him.

"I'm getting sick of this." Scott said. "Hold on everyone!" He shouted as he used his optic blasts to shatter the quickly melting ice. Scott, Brittany, and Rogue clung together on one ice floe. Todd jumped in the water and started swimming away with Althea.

Rahne and Aiden fell in the river.

"Oooh, wet dog smell." Roberto winced. "That's not pleasant."

"Shut up!" Rahne gurgled as she and Aiden made their way to the side of the river…unfortunately for them it was the wrong side.

Downstream, Scott and Rogue climbed out of the river. "That was stupid!" Rogue screamed at Scott.

"It worked didn't it?" He asked. "Wait, where's Lucy?"

"I take it back." Rogue said. "It worked better than I thought it would." She drawled.

"We got her!" Todd said as he and Althea helped Brittany out.

"The fact that Todd's an amphibian and the girls breath underwater might've helped them out there you know." Paige observed.

"Come on!" Todd hoped up and down. "We've made it across the river! Now it's just a little further to Aslan's camp!"

Meanwhile on the other side of the river, Emma Frost scowled at the unfrozen river.

"Wow, it's hot out here, isn't it?" Fitzroy wondered. Frost rolled her eyes and smacked him with her wand. Then for good measure she smacked Bobby too.

"Oww…what did **I** do?" Bobby asked, rubbing his head.

"Lately or in general?" Jamie asked.

"Your majesty!" Rahne called as she and her wolves marched out of the woods, carrying the Coyote with them. "We found the traitor! He was attempting to rally your enemies in the woods by singing uncomplimentary limericks about you and the realness of your brea—"

"I **get** the idea." Emma growled. "What do you have to say for yourself?" She demanded.

"Your Majesty…" He began. "Your Grace, your worshipfullness…"

"I don't answer to flattery!" Frost snapped.

"I don't want to think of what she **does** answer to." Hank grimaced. The Coyote looked at Frost cock-eyed.

"Not to be rude—"

"**HA**!" Everyone in the audience laughed at that.

"But I wasn't speaking to **you**." The Coyote finished as he turned his head to grin at Rahne. "Hi honey!"

"Oh God…" Rahne moaned as the insides of her ears went hot and turned red. "This is so embarrassing." The other wolves snickered. Rahne whirled on them. "Did anyone just volunteer to be neutered?" She barked at them. The wolves shut up. "I thought not."

Frost slapped her forehead with annoyance. "I didn't come here to see a remake of '_The Lady and the Tramp_!' " Frost snapped.

"She could play both parts herself!" Storm remarked. Emma took out her wand.

"Prepare to die!" She hissed. Bobby gulped.

"Wait! Can't you—" He started to say, but it was too late. The Witch had already started turning the Coyote into diamond.

"I'm crystallizing! Crystallizing!" The Coyote wailed as he started to change. "Oh what a world, what a world…"

Then there on the grass stood a diamond statue of the Coyote. Emma whirled on Bobby and struck him with the back of her hand…and since she was in her diamond form it **really** hurt.

"Never question me again!" She demanded. "Think well upon what I do to traitors before you try to challenge me again." Then she stopped to dwell on her wolves information. "If Aslan is attempting to raise an army, then I shall as well. Go summon **my** forces!"

"Cue the flying monkeys!" Low Light yelled. Emma glared at him.

"If it's a war Aslan wants…" She swore. "It's a war Aslan will get."

**&&&**

The Pevensies followed Todd and Althea to Aslan's camp. "This is…incredible." Scott gaped. Bright red and yellow pavilions dotted the field where Aslan's army made camp. They soon found themselves surrounded by various magical creatures and beings. They included LINA, THORRN, PENNY, WARREN, HANK, the ELOI, as well as STORM, THE NEW MUTANTS, AMIRA, several JOES, and even STARFIRE and RAVEN of the TEEN TITANS (in her white robes), JAKE LONG in dragon form, HOLLY SHORT, and LOCKHEED THE DRAGON.

"Why are we here?" Holly Short, pixie officer of the L.E.P. asked Jake Long as she flew over Jake's shoulder.

"Because NEBULABELT needed more magical creatures and he thought of us." Jake answered.

"Lucky, lucky us." Raven said, deadpan.

"Note to self." Holly groaned. "**Kill** NEBULABELT and then have my own memory of this wiped!" Lockheed snorted in agreement.

As Althea and Todd led Scott, Rogue, and Brittany through the camp, everyone stopped to stare at them. As if in a trance, they followed them towards the largest pavilion of all.

The soldiers accompanying them started to kneel in unison. Taking the hint, the Beavers and Pevensies followed suit.

The flap of the tent billowed open as Aslan stepped out to meet the three suddenly nervous Pevensies.

"Oh brother." Scott groaned as he looked up and saw a lion standing on the rock before him…a **purple** lion.

"Catseye got lead." Catseye purred proudly in her lion form.

"Should've known." Rogue sighed.

"You've **got** to be kidding me." Roulette groaned. Tarot looked at her.

"With this author? What did you expect?" She asked.

"**Catseye**?" Kurt gasped from his seat. "But Aslan's a **male** character!"

"**I** don't feel the need to be constrained by 'conventional' gender casting." NEBULABELT sniffed disdainfully.

"You don't feel constrained by anything!" Kitty shouted.

"He should **BE** restrained." Remy agreed.

"What's your problem?" NEBULABELT demanded. "Catseye's brave, she's noble, honorable, kind…plus she turnsinto a lion!"

"So?" Peter snorted. "So is Superman! Well, except fort the lion part."

"Superman?" NEBULABELT asked incredulously. "Please, him coming back from the dead isn't miraculous, he does it all the time! He's the Jean Grey of the DC Universe!"

"HEY!" Jean and Superman protested in unison, both offended by the comparison. NEBULABELT ignored them and continued.

"It's not a miracle when Superman come back to life…it's just a Tuesday." He snorted.

"Aren't you forgetting that Catseye is a **bad** **guy**?" Duke reminded him.

"**No**, Catseye just **works** for bad guys. There's a difference." NEBULABELT sniffed. "Besides, Rahne's in this story on the side of the Witch. It only balances out that Catseye is on the side of good."

"Yeah, leading the fight against her own mother!" Jean drawled.

"Hey I wonder if this could be construed as foreshad—" Kurt started to comment before NEBULABELT snapped,

"CONTINUE WITH THE STORY! **NOW**!"

Catseye cleared her throat.

"Welcome Peter, son of Adam. Welcome Susan and Lucy, daughters of Eve." Catseye said warmly. "And welcome Mr. and Mrs. Beaver. But where is fourth?" She asked.

"He kinda went and stabbed us in the back." Todd shrugged. "But three outta four ain't bad, right?"

"It's my fault…" Scott began. "No wait, it was actually **his** fault. Never mind."

"I will do everything I can for your brother." Catseye promised.

"Pysche-Out said the same thing." Rogue drawled.

As the Pevensies settled in, Scott took a walk up on a hill and stared out at the Narnian landscape. In the distance was a large castle.

"That's Cair Paravel, the castle of the four thrones." Catseye said as she walked up to him. "That is where you four will rule Narnia from, with you above the others as High King."

"Sounds good to me." Scott agreed amiably.

"**Not to the rest of us it doesn't!**" Althea, Todd, and the other 'Narnians' shouted.

Meanwhile, Rogue and Brittany made their way down to a stream to wash up.

"What I wouldn't give for a sink." Rogue grumbled as she washed her face.

"Are you going to **ever** stop complaining about Narnia?" Brittany asked. "It's really killing the magical awe about this place."

"Well, excuuuse me!" Rogue said. "This place isn't all that magical to me. All we've done since we got here is run away from a pack of wolves howling for our blood!"

"And you can't even do **that,** well." Rahne quipped as she and Aiden appeared behind them. "Now—like you've said—we've been chasing you all night. We're tired and just want to kill you quickly."

"Ah crap." Brittany groaned. Rahne leapt at them.

"Wait, aren't you going to gloat first?" Aiden asked Rahne as she hounded Brittany and Rogue up a tree. "Explain the Queen's entire plan in agonizing detail? Put them in an easily escapable trap and then leave, assuming that they die?" Rahne looked at him as if he were an idiot.

"No…because then they would **get** **away**." She explained slowly. "**Moron**!"

'Fine, but you're really breaking with tradition here!" Aiden said.

"Why can't I handle them myself?" Rogue groaned.

"Because the story goes that you call for Peter's help! Now do it!" NEBULABELT said.

"Fine," Rogue grumbled as she took her white horn and blew it. Everyone winced and covered their ears.

"Yeesh! That things sounds like a dying, flatulent moose!" Beef grunted.

Scott and Catseye heard the horn from their place on the hill and ran off, accompanied by several of Catseye's soldiers.

"Hurry!" Scott said as he pulled his sword out of his scabbard and charged at Rahne and Aiden.

"Not this again." Rahne grumbled as she dodged. That was when Catseye pounced on her. "Yipes! Watch it Catseye!" Rahne hissed quietly.

Catseye flattened her ears against her head. "Sorry."

Scott rushed at Aiden and swung his sword at him. When the soldiers with him moved to help, Catseye waved them back. "This is Peter's fight." She said.

"Get him!" Rogue called.

"Put the doggy down!" Brittany cheered.

"Rip his miserable black heart out of his chest and stomp on it!" Rahne bellowed. Everyone looked at her. "What?"

"You don't have the stomach for this!" Aiden growled as leapt at Scott when he saw he was distracted. Scott got his sword up just in time for Aiden to impale himself on it. Aiden looked down at the sword embedded to the hilt in his chest. "I might," he coughed weakly. "Have been wrong…" Aiden dropped dead.

"Wait, I thought Peter was supposed to kill Maugrim, the chief wolf." Kurt said. "The one Rahne plays."

"Like NebulaBelt is going to let **Rahne** get killed off." Jean snorted. NEBULABELT shrugged, not bothering to deny it.

"Well, I must be going now, ciao!" Rahne said as she slipped out form under Catseye's paws and ran off.

"Follow her! She will lead you to the other human!" Catseye ordered her troops. As they did what she said, Catseye turned to Scott. "Nice job. You want take first bite?"

"Thank you, no." Scott said quickly, looking green. Catseye shrugged.

"Suit yourself."

**MEANWHILE…**

"Comfy?" Trevor Fitzroy taunted Bobby as he was tied to a tree.

"It's okay." Bobby shrugged. "Though it is a little **small** for me." He stressed the word to annoy the dwarf.

"Why you…" Fitzroy seethed as he grabbed a knife. Rahne ran passed him. "Watch where you're going!" He snapped at her, not paying attention. "Stupid, mangy…uh oh." He gulped as he saw Catseye's troops appear not long after Rahne. "Mommy…" He gulped again as they glared at him.

Emma Frost appeared not long later to find Bobby gone and Fitzroy tied in his place to the tree.

"Funny story…" Fitzroy started to explain.

**&&&**

"What's all the commotion?" Scott asked as he walked up to Rogue and Brittany.

"Edmund's back! Aslan saved Edmund!" Brittany squealed. Up on the hill, Catseye was speaking to Bobby, though no one could hear just what they were saying.

"Wish we could read lips." Jean commented.

"It's probably something like: 'Do something that stupid again and you become my personal cat toy.' " Remy guessed.

Catseye brought Bobby back to the others. "It's done. There's no point beating him up for what he did now…unless you really want to." She added.

"Thanks a lot." Bobby grumbled.

Not long after Catseye led Bobby back to the others, even more unwelcome company showed up.

"All hail Jadis!" Fitzroy shouted as the Narnians in Catseye's camp pelted him with stones and rotten fruit. "Queen of Narnia! Empress of the Lone Islands!" Behind him was Emma Frost, carried on a throne by four guards. They were the DREADNOKS, BUZZER, TORCH, MONKEYWRENCH, AND ROADPIG.

"Better them than us." Zartan said. Zanya, Zandar, and Zarana nodded.

"_The witch is back_…" Remy started to sing.

Emma's pallbearers lowered her to the ground. She stood up and walked up to Catseye. "You have a traitor in your camp." She pronounced.

"Me?" Catseye asked worriedly.

"Not **you**, Sharon." Emma assured her. "I meant for the play."

"Oh, right." Catseye said. "Well…his betrayal wasn't against **you**."

"Do you forget the laws upon which Narnia were founded?" Emma asked.

"Yeah! Our forefathers didn't write the Constitution for nothing you know!" Kitty called.

"Don't quote Deep Magic to me!" Catseye snapped. "I was there when it was written." Emma smiled.

"Then you know what it says about all traitors." She said. "That traitor's blood—" She pointed at Bobby, "is my property."

"This is what copywriting DNA leads to." Jean observed.

"If I don't get what is mine then all of Narnia and perish in fire and water!" Emma Frost pronounced.

"Wouldn't that cancel each other out?" Peter asked.

"Sounds kinda like global warming." Kitty noted.

"Oh my god, Al Gore was right!" Kurt realized in horror.

"Enough!" Catseye said. "I would speak to you alone." She said to Frost. The two of them walked into Catseye's tent.

"Who wants to bet they just go in there so Catseye can ask Emma about Mother's Day gifts?" Kitty snorted. NEBULABELT looked annoyed and pushed a button on his console. "YEEOOWWCH!" Kitty yelped as an electrical current passed through her chair, shocking her.

"Does anyone else want to make a crack against Catseye?" He asked. The audience nervously shook their heads.

After a moment, Catseye and Emma emerged. Catseye addressed her forces. "She has renounced her claim against the son of Adam." Wild cheering broke out.

"Yay." Everyone said sedately. Jean snickered.

"Yeah, they're really happy to hear that." She said. As the Pevensies hugged their saved brother, Rogue and Brittany noted the sad look on Catseye's face.

**&&&**


	6. Chapter 6

"Why are we doing this?" Rogue hissed as she and Brittany snuck out of their tent.

"I thought I saw Aslan walking by!" Brittany hissed back.

"So the cat's out, what's the big deal?" Rogue asked as she yawned. The two of them spied Catseye walking out of camp and heading up the hill. They tried following her in secret but Catseye caught them almost immediately.

"I not named Catseye for nothing." Catseye smirked.

"Aslan? What are you doing?" Brittany asked as she and Rogue continued to follow Catseye.

"I not want you to see this." Catseye sighed sadly. "But I not mind company either." Rogue and Brittany walked on either side of Catseye as they made their way to Catseye's destination.

"Here I go alone." Catseye said when they arrived. "Stay here."

"But—" Brittany started to say, but Catseye was already moving away. Rogue and Brittany stared as Catseye made her way up the stairs to the Stone Table. Emma Frost stood at the top of the steps, flanked by her wolves and the core of her army.

"What the heck continuity is this?" General Hawk gaped when he saw the crowd. Besides the usual stable of Misfit and X-Men villains—MAGNETO, MYSTIQUE, SABERTOOTH, MR. SINISTER, SNARK COMMANDER, SELENE and other HELLFIRE CLUB members—there were a few other faces in the crowd: COBRA COMMANDER, MEGATRON of the DECEPTICONS, GENGHIS REX of the TYRANNOS, CYKILL of the RENEGADE GOBOTS, MAGMAR of the ROCK LORDS, KRULOUS of the RULON EMPIRE (from DINORIDERS), among others.

"What're those 80s relics doing here?" Duke asked as he pointed at them.

"**LOOK WHO'S TALKING**!" They shouted at him.

"I was feeling nostalgic for my childhood." NEBULABELT said, shrugging.

"And what were you **smoking** when you put **us** here?" DEMONA the GARGOYLE demanded angrily. Her companion THAILOG nodded.

"I can't believe he wrote me into another one of his stories!" MONKEY FIST moaned.

"Tell me about it." AZAZEL grumbled from where he was standing with several other demons: MAXX, BENOS, STEPHAN, S'YM, TRIGON (in a much smaller form), and KURT

"Heh, this is sweet!" S'ym said as he looked around. "It's like DemonFest 1136 all over again!"

"I'd like to thank Illyana Rasputin for allowing me to borrow him!" NEBULABELT said.

"If you wanted to thank me you could **keep** him." Illyana rolled her eyes.

"With all these demons around I guess I'm the token ghost." VLAD PLASMIUS mumbled angrily.

"And we're the token sorcerers." ZANKOU grumbled. WUYA and CHASE YOUNG nodded in agreement.

"I find this ceremony appealing." Trigon rumbled.

"You would." Raven grumbled.

"I'd like it better if there was some booze around here." Cobra Commander said.

"Do I **want** to know why **I' m** here?" Kurt moaned.

"Because you're a demon and a demon in Aslan's army would be…odd." NEBULABELT said. "Besides your parents and siblings are here!" He said, pointing to Mystique, Azazel, his kids Maxx, Benos, and Stephan, as well as Mystique's one-time lover Sabertooth. "I couldn't have you fight your own family!"

"But I do that anyway!" Kurt protested. "And you're having Catseye fight **her** mother!"

NEBULABELT shrugged. "Eh. So I'm fickle. Sue me."

"I intend to." The GARGOYLE DEMONA hissed. THAILOG nodded in agreement.

"He looks a lot like Goliath." Shipwreck said, pointing at Thailog.

"That's because he's Goliath's clone." Spirit told him.

"What does **everyone** have a clone nowadays?" Logan demanded.

"Apparently." Jean blinked.

"This is ridiculous." BATMAN grumbled from his place on stage. "I'm not a villain…I'm with the Justice League!"

NEBULABELT rolled his eyes. "Everyone on the Witch's side is dark, creepy, and scary. And Bats bubula, good guy or not, you are **all** three."

"If I don't get a Best Supporting Villain Nomination for this," FATHER of the Delightful Children from Down the Lane threatened. "Someone's going to feel the heat!"

Catseye stolidly walked up the stairs, not looking either to the left or right. She stared straight ahead at Emma Frost, who was holding a crude but wicked looking stone knife in her hands.

Wolves bayed at her heels and villains growled as she passed, but none of them dared stand against her. Catseye came to a stop in front of Emma Frost. Emma glared at her troops angrily.

"What are you fools waiting for? Bind her!" The villains took a hesitant step forward and when they saw Catseye wasn't going to eviscerate them, lunged forward to tie her with ropes. Her legs were bound together and her mouth was tied shut.

Brittany and Rogue gasped as they callously hurled Catseye on the Stone Table (actually made of adamantium and covered with stone) and gathered around, waiting eagerly to begin.

"WAIT!" Emma shouted. Everyone paused to look at her. Play or not, Emma swallowed uncomfortably and when she spoke her voice wavered slightly, nothing anyone but her would've noticed. "Shave her!"

Cackling cruelly, the villains brandished knives, daggers, and claws and started shearing Catseye's rich mane off. Rahne—forgetting that this was a play—couldn't bear to look and turned away. Catseye endured her ordeal stoically.

"Wait," Jean blinked. "Only male lions have manes and Catseye is a female. What gives?"

"**Shhhhh**!" NEBULABELT snapped, entrapped in the moment.

Atop the Stone Table an evil laugh went up when their task was complete. Catseye, now without her mane, lay on the table.

Emma stood over her with the knife. "You know Aslan, I'm rather disappointed in you. Did you honestly think you could save the traitor? You're giving your life and saving no one. Such a waste. So much for love. Tonight the Deep Magic will be appeased, but tomorrow…we will take Narnia **forever**! In that knowledge despair and…" Emma couldn't help but choke a little as she finished. "Die!" She shouted as she brought the knife down, her eyes shut.

Rahne whimpered and averted her eyes too. A meaty sounding 'thok!' was heard. Then there was a sharp gasp. And then…there was nothing at all.

**&&&**


	7. Chapter 7

"I think we've got trouble." Bobby told Scott. "No sign of Aslan anywhere."

"And there are reports that the Witch is going to attack." Scott agreed.

"That means…" Bobby gulped. "**You'll** have to lead us."

"We're **dead**." The Narnians who overheard moaned. Scott glared at them.

"Assemble the army, we're going to war!"

"**To war, to war, to war we gotta go!**" The audience started singing.

"As much as I love the Marx Brothers," NEBULABELT drawled, "Let's just move along, shall we?"

Aslan's army: the Eloi, the Kids Next Door of Sector V, Kim Possible, the core Teen Titans, the original Justice League (less Batman), the New Mutants, Optimus Prime of the Autobots, Jake Long, Holly Short, and several scattered other heroes gathered themselves along a large open plain, anchoring their forces among rocks and boulders as they planned and prepared.

"Swords?" Scott asked.

"Check." Todd said.

"Shields?"

"Check."

"White flags?" Bobby interjected.

"White flags?" Scott blinked. "Why would we need those?"

"To surrender! Look!" Bobby pointed.

"Oh, boy." Scott gulped as he turned and looked out as the Witch's army arrived.

Emma Frost stood on a boulder as the rest of her army took their positions. She smiled as it was obvious that her army outnumbered Scott's by more than three to one.

Her vast army was made up of—among others—Azazel's demons, Magneto's Acolytes, Zankou's warlocks, the Snarks, Cobra soldiers, the Dreadnoks, the Hellions, the Tyrannos, the Reavers, the Purists, the Friends of Humanity, the Renegades, the Decepticons, the Predacons, Darkseid's Female Furies, the Legion of Doom, the Metabreed, the students of the HIVE Academy, the Brotherhood of Evil, all the Teen Titans' enemies, several Sentinels, the wolves, the Sinister Six, Mr. Sinister's Nasty Boys, the Hellfire Club, Father—the enemy of the Kids Next Door, all the other KND villains, as well as Monkey Fist's monkey ninjas.

"See? I told you." Low Light said from the audience. "I told you that Emma would have monkey's in her army."

"You said she would have flying monkey's, though." Cover Girl pointed out. Low Light just looked at her.

"Are you really going to tell me that ninja monkey's are any less strange than flying monkeys?"

"Point taken." Cover Girl said.

Emma Frost turned to address her army. "Before we crush the late Aslan's army it's time to say the Pledge of Evil. Raise your right hand—I said your **right** hand, idiots!—and repeat after me: I, your name," Emma started.

"I, your name." The villains repeated dutifully.

"Shmucks." Emma growled under her breath. "Pledge allegiance,"

"Pledge allegiance…" The villains chorused.

"To Emma Frost,"

"To Emily Frost…" The villains said.

"That's **EMMA**!" Emma shouted at them.

"That's **EMMA**!" The villains agreed.

"And to the evil." Emma continued, nearing the end.

"And to the evil…"

"For which she stands,"

"For witches stand…" The army said. Emma ignored the mangling this time.

"Now go do that voodoo that **you** do, so **welll**!" Emma laughed as she threw up her hands. Her army cheered and hurled themselves at the good guys.

"This is going to hurt." Scott winced as the army of evil bore down on him.

&&&

Rogue put her hand on Brittany's shoulder. "We should probably go." She suggested. Brittany hiccupped once and nodded. As she lifted her face out of Catseye's neck, she blinked.

"Hey, what's that?" She pointed. Rogue turned to look. Sitting on Catseye's body was a small pink rat.

"Is that a naked mole rat?" Rogue blinked. RUFUS nodded as he started gnawing on the ropes that bound Catseye. "What the heck is he—"

"Shhh!" Brittany hissed. As Rufus finished cutting the ropes, he waved at the girls.

"Buy-bye!" He chattered as he ran off.

"And this has been yet another pointless cameo." NEBULABELT announced.

"Well, at least she's not tied up anymore." Rogue said. "Let's go." As the two girls started making their way down the steps, they heard a loud crack. They looked at each other and hurried back up the steps.

"Hey, where's—?" Rogue asked when she saw the broken table and the missing body.

"Look!" Brittany gasped as she pointed.

"Oh my god…" Rogue gulped. Perched on the rocks was a certain grinning feline.

"Catseye baaack." She purred.

**&&&**

**A/N: Up next…the gripping conclusion!**


	8. Chapter 8

The audience was composed of the extended members of the Teen Titans and Justice League as well as the ordinary soldiers of GI Joe plus several scattered members of the Kids Next Door, the Wyvern Gargoyles, the Dinosaucers, at anyone else who had a connection—for good or ill—with any of the actors in the battle. They sat and watched the ultimate battle between good and evil in Narnia, hoping they had enough popcorn.

"I can't believe I'm doing this." Scott muttered as he unsheathed his sword. "For Narnia! And for Aslan!" He yelled as he charged at the oncoming army.

"**WHAT** **HE** **SAID**!" His army agreed as they charged after him.

"Remember the plan!" Scott said. "Pick your targets!"

"On it!" KIM POSSIBLE said as she eyed SHEGO.

"Titans Go!" ROBIN agreed as the Titans headed towards SLADE and the BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL.

"Kids Next Door: Battle stations!" NUMBUH ONE ordered as his team ran at Father and the other KND villains. Jake Long flew towards the DARK DRAGON and the Justice League headed for the Legion of Doom. The New Mutants hurled themselves at Cobra and the Snarks while Optimus Prime went after the Decepticons and Holly Short was just out to shoot anything.

"Wait, then what do we do?" Willow asked of the Eloi. Everyone shrugged.

"How predictable." Emma mused as she waved her army on ahead.

"Everybody get ready!" Scott yelled. "Aaand, **SWITCH**!"

"**What**?" The villains gaped in shock as the heroes all suddenly switched targets.

"Boo-ya!" Cyborg grinned as he used his ion cannon to blast a huge robot piloted by two KND villains, Mr. Wink and Mr. Fib.

"Oh dear." They gulped as the robot toppled over.

"Some other time Shego!" Kim Possible said as she leaped into the air and tackled the gliding Demona.

"Get off of me human!" Demona shrieked at her.

"Not happening!" Kim retorted as she grabbed Demona's wings and pulled, piloting Demona back to the villain's own lines. "See ya!" Kim said as she jumped.

"Oh sh—" Demona winced as she collided midair with Monet, both of whom fell to the ground in a heap.

"Talk about getting dumped!" Brooklyn snickered.

"Okay, wait. If Kimmy isn't going to fight me," Shego mused. "Then who—"

"Hi ya!" Numbuh Five yelled as she delivered a flying kick to the side of Shego's head.

"**Fool** **you**!" Scott bragged as all across the field, heroes attacked villains other than their own, throwing the villains completely off guard. Scott fired an optic blast that struck See-More of the Hive Five across the face. "Take that you wannabe!"

"You can't stop us!" Billy Numerous boasted as the HIVE student created an army of clones. "I'm an army of one!"

"Hey, that phrase is copyrighted!" General Hawk shouted from the audience.

"You're an army of **dumb**." Jamie snorted as he created a clone of himself for each of Billy's.

"And whut's a dumb little kid like **you** gonna do?" The Billys sneered.

"He's so asking for it," Bumblebee said from the audience. The Jamies narrowed their eyes and kicked. Being shorter than Billy Numerous, the Jamies were in an ideal place to kick Billy right in the groin.

"MOTHER!" Several dozen Billy's groaned in unison as they simultaneously grabbed themselves and collapsed in a heap.

Meanwhile the rest of the HIVE students were attacked by the Kids Next Door of Sector V.

"You mean I have to fight some dumb kids instead of the Titans?" Mammoth grumbled. "What a gip!"

"Say that to my face, you teenaged creep!" Numbuh Four threatened as he waved his fist at Mammoth's…knees.

The HIVE Academy grad snorted. "I would if you weren't so…**short**."

Numbuh Four was livid. "Don't ever…" He growled, "Call me…" he leapt at Mammoth's face. "SHORT!"

"YEOOWW! Get it off! Get it off me!" Mammoth yelled as Numbuh Four clung to his head and started punching him in the face.

"Stupid pit-sniffing, what the heck?" Gizmo exclaimed as Numbuh Two grabbed him.

"You know," Numbuh Two grinned. "Numbuh One can pull off the bald look. He makes it look cool. On you it's just sad. And pathetic."

"Grrrr!" Gizmo snarled. "I'm gonna ionize you!" He exclaimed as his backpack unfolded its four spider-like legs.

"Have a nice trip." Numbuh Two quipped as he pulled out his Mustard gun and squirted the ground beneath Gizmo. "See you next fall!"

"Ah crud." Gizmo grumbled as the mechanical legs skittered, trying to keep a hold on the ground and failed. He toppled over.

"Stand still, damn you!" Juggernaut swore as he swatted his arm.

"Missed me!" Numbuh Three grinned as she hopped on his huge muscles. "Tra la la la la…"

"Stop that!" Juggernaut bellowed as he swung at her again. Numbuh Three gracefully leapt onto his helmet. She leaned down to look into his face.

"Boy, you sure are mean old man, you know that?"

"And you're about to be smashed!" He snarled at her as he swung his fist at her head. Numbuh Three leaped off and Juggernaut ended up punching himself in the face, knocking him out. "Ooooo, buh-bye." He groaned as he fell.

"Nighty night mister!" Numbuh Three waved as she ran off.

Numbuh One put on his shades as he faced his opponent. "You're not Father, but I suppose you'll have to do." He said to Slade.

"I'm touched." Slade said dryly. "Shall we?"

"Let's." Numbuh One said as he launched himself at Slade.

Elsewhere on the field, the various KND villains were fighting the Teen Titans with predictable results.

"Face the stingy justice of Count Spankulot!" The spank-happy vampire and KND villain said to Raven as he flew at her.

"You've **got** to be kidding." Raven sighed as she hurled the hapless villain away with her powers before moving on to the Dark Dragon, Jake Long's enemy.

Raven snorted as the Dark Dragon tried to fry her. "I've fought dragons before." She said. "You don't scare me. Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" the Dark Dragon found himself tumbling head over heels as he was tossed into several Decepticons who went down in a heap with him.

"Prepare yourself for the fluoride fury of Nightbrace!" The mad dentist yelled at Beast Boy, who merely smirked in response.

"Why don't you check _these_ teeth Nightbrace?" Beast Boy morphed into a huge, terrifying Tyrannosaurus Rex and roared right in Nightbrace's face, showing off the scores of sharp, pointy teeth in his mouth. Nightbrace gulped.

"Ithinkyourteetharefine, Igottago!" Nightbrace gulped as he ran off. "Mommy!"

"Odd." Psyche-Out noted. "You think a T-Rex would appreciate a good dentist."

"They do on Reptilon, that's all I'm gonna say." Allo agreed.

"Come to Grandma Stuffum you skinny child." The obese pot-wielding villainess said to Starfire. "Eat up!" She said as she tossed a ladleful of glop at her.

Starfire swallowed it with a gulp. "Joy of joys! I didn't know you made Tamaranian food! Delicious!"

"Huh?" Grandma Stuffum goggled. "Impossible!"

"So is this entire premise." Low Light groaned.

"Prepare to be flushed!" The Tolienator threatened a completely unafraid Althea.

"How did I draw the short straw?" Althea wondered. "Oh well." She shrugged as she used her powers to summon a wave of water at him.

"Oh no…" The Toilenator groaned as he was nearly drowned. "I knew I should've gotten two-ply!"

Meanwhile, Robin tore his way through the Cobra High Command; punching Dr. Mindbender in the face and banging Xamot and Tomax's heads together. "Double your pleasure." Robin grinned right before tossing the Baroness to the side.

"Get them!" Cobra Commander yelled.

"Who are you talking to?" Destro asked. "There's no one left!"

"You know I fight a man in a metal mask on a regular basis." Robin told Cobra Commander and Destro. "Compared to him, you two are **nothing**." Robin hurled himself at Destro, delivering a fierce kick to his face before spinning in midair and giving Cobra Commander a similar treatment. "Well, that was eas—"

"DIE!" Mystique yelled as she leapt at Robin from behind. Before Robin could move, Mystique was tackled midair by Kim Possible.

"Boo-yah!" Ron shouted from his seat.

"Thanks Kim!" Robin shouted as he rejoined the battle.

"So not the drama!" Kim replied as Mystique did her best to kill her. "Apparently I can't make friends with other red-heads." She noted as she narrowly avoided a kick to her ribs. Kim blocked Mystique's next punch and responded with a fierce punch to the jaw that knocked Mystique out.

Lina flew through the air, pursed by the Bang Baby Talon and the Green Goblin.

"Gonna clip your wings, bug girl!" Talon boasted as she sent out a sonic shriek.

"Heehee, have a blast!" The Green Goblin laughed as he threw several of his pumpkin-looking grenades at her.

"Come on Lina, get them! Just like you trained!" Cover Girl shouted encouragingly. Lina suddenly stopped short, causing Talon and the Green Goblin to overshoot her. Thinking fast, Lina spat out a wad of her healing silk and tossed it into the Green Goblin's engines and Talon's wings.

"I **hate** it when that happens." The Goblin muttered as he and Talon went down.

"Boo-yah!" NEBULABELT shouted. "You go girl!" Everyone looked at him strangely. "Hey, she's my favorite Misfit, give me a break!"

"Yeah, we got 'em on the run!" Bobby boasted as he iced any enemy he saw. "We—uh-oh." He gulped as he came across Father, the supreme villain of the Kids Next Door and a fire wielder at that.

"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the wardrobe!" Father laughed as he tossed a ball of fire at Bobby, only narrowly missing.

"You would think someone with the ability to create fire would **not** be on the side of the Witch." Spirit observed.

"Chill out!" Bobby shouted—among much groaning in the audience—as he used his powers to encase Father in a solid block of ice. "That ought to—erk." Bobby said as Father unthawed himself and was furious.

"You…big…**JERK**!" Father bellowed as the flames around him grew. "You just made me **mad**! Very…**Very**…**VERY** **Ma**—oh forget it!" Father mumbled as he walked away. "I'm going to go get some Rocky Road."

"Apparently someone watched Operation: Zero." Numbuh 362 noted, looking at NEBULABELT. Elsewhere, the battle was getting ever more chaotic.

"**YEE**-**HAA!**" Sam yelled in enthusiasm as he flew through the air. "Heads up your varmints!" He said as he headed toward Genghis Rex. The giant red tyrannosaurus barely had time to register Sam's presence before Sam shot through one side of Genghis' mouth and out the other, knocking out most of his teeth.

Jake Long flew straight into Megatron's face and blew a breath of red hot fire on it.

"ARRGHH! Wretched organic pest!" He cursed as he fired his fusion cannon blindly, causing more havoc among his allies than his foes.

"Get her!" Madam Rouge snarled as Holly Short zipped around the battlefield, zapping villains left and right.

"Come on and get me!" Holly taunted.

"I got her!" Tarpit, one of Sinister's henchmen proclaimed as he leapt at her from the left. Madam Rouge did the same from the right.

"No you don't, I do!" Ebon snarled as he also leapt for the diminutive pixie. Holly just smiled and flew up

"Oh crap." Madam Rouge cursed as she, Ebon, and Tarpit found themselves stuck together in a gooey mish-mash.

"How pathetic." Monsieur Mallah said to Gorilla Grod.

"Quite." Grod agreed. "I suppose that this is what comes from serving a disembodied brain."

"Do **not** insult the master!" Mallah snarled. Grod rolled his eyes.

"You disgrace all apes when you play 'Pinky' to his 'Brain!'" Grod snapped at him. Mallah roared and charged Grod, soon the two apes were too busy fighting each other to fight Scott's forces.

Optimus Prime transformed into vehicle mode so he could cross the field—and run over several detachments of Cobra's BATs—before changing back in order to fight the Renegades.

"You Transformers think you're all that." Cykill growled as Prime approached. "Renegades, blast him!" Optimus Prime ducked and weaved through the evil Gobots' fire.

"I've tangled with better than you K-Mart knock-offs!" Prime said as he returned fire, knocking down Gobot after Gobot.

"Talk about being on the side of angels." Warren muttered as he flapped his wings and soared in the sky, tackling the gargoyle Thailog and tossing him from the sky. "Storm, a little help?" Warren gulped as the Decepticons flew towards him.

Storm's eyes flashed as she flew. "Any of you oversized Sentinels want to know what another kind of transformer is?" She asked the Decepticons. "It transfers electricity, like **so**!" Lightning crashed and struck the giant alien robots, causing them to bellow in pain.

Zankou decided that now was the time for him to shine. "Destroy them! Let all who see you tremble in the might of the power of warlocks!" He said to his warlocks. Azazel just snorted.

"Warlocks, shmorlocks. My demons are the ones who are going to make this fight."

"You?" Zankou snorted. "Please. Why don't you go sleep with Mystique?"

"Why don't you let the Halliwells kick your butt some more?" Azazel sneered back.

"GET HIM!" Zankou bellowed at his warlocks.

"CRUSH HIM!" Azazael roared at his demon family. Soon the two smaller armies of warlocks and demons—both technically on the witch's side—found themselves at war with one another, instead of with Aslan's forces.

As the battle raged, the Justice League was having problems of its own.

"Great Hera!" Wonder Woman said as she lassoed another monkey ninja. "I didn't join the Justice League to fight primates!"

"If any of them start flinging anything at us, I'm going to use this," Hawk Girl hissed as she patted her mace. "On the author's head!"

"Get the Green Lantern!" Copperhead hissed as he ran at Jon Stewart. Chase Young—in his reptilian form—joined him, as did a number of Cobra soldiers. Stewart just groaned.

"Enough is enough!" He shouted. "I have had it with these mother-loving snakes in this mother-loving play!" Jon proclaimed right before using his ring to blast them aside.

"Man, NEBULABELT just won't let that line go, will he?" Cover Girl asked.

Superman decided that he too had had enough and charged through the enemy line straight for Emma Frost herself, barely noticing that he battered aside villains like Dr. Doom or Mr. Sinister. Frost sneered as he flew at her.

"Man of Steel, prepare to meet the Mistress of Diamonds!" She said as she readied her wand behind her back. When Superman got in close, Emma stabbed it at him. Superman barely had time to register his shock before he turned in a diamond statue.

"I always new Supes had a hard head." Booster Gold commented from the audience.

The villains grew emboldened by Superman's fall and pressed harder against the good-guys, their superior numbers beginning to make their presence felt.

"We're getting creamed out here!" Bobby yelled to Scott as Hotstreak nearly melted Bobby's ice form.

"Call out the reserves!" Scott yelled back as he just managed to take down the Rhino. Bobby nodded to Jubilee who sent up huge displays of firecrackers. The signal was given.

From out in the distance, three more figures joined in the fight. They were small, generally black and most importantly—

"Bugs?" Amara squealed as they flew past. "Gross!"

"Hey!" Lina protested.

"They're made of metal." Sam blinked as he flew into the face of another Tyanno.

"Oh no, please tell me you didn't…" Kim Possible groaned.

"That's right, right." Shrapnel grinned. "The **Insecticons** are here, here!"

"Aren't they Decepticons? You know, bad guys?" Roberto asked. NEBULABELT shrugged.

"I like them, so there you go." He explained.

"I'll do it, but I know I'm going to hate myself for this in the morning." Scott grumbled. "Insections, attack!"

"On it!" Kickback grinned. The three black and purple Transformers took to the skies and started to sing.

"_Insecticons are on the move, Insecticons are loose! Feel the energon! Hear the noise! Insecticons are loose!"_

"Why do I always invite those guys?" NEBULABELT asked himself. "Why?"

"Just do something!" Scott screamed.

"You're no fun, no fun." Shrapnel noted. "Still," Using his own electrical abilities, Shrapnel was able to construct a large force of Insecticon clones that looked just like him and the others. The clones swooped down on the witch's army, causing chaos and occasionally munching on anything made of metal.

"Get these bugs off me!" Dr. Octopus bellowed as one Insecticon clone nibbled on his metal tentacles.

"This bites!" Donald Pierce shrieked as he and his Reavers had Insecticons gnawing on their bionic parts.

"Stay away from me!" Dr. Doom yelled as he too, was chased by clones. The Sentinels were powerless against a swarm of Insecticons and were soon chewed to pieces.

"Justice!" Scott grinned as he saw the Sentinels get torn apart by—of all things—other giant robots. "See how it feels you bastards!" He rejoiced as he did a little jig in celebration. "See how it feels!"

"Oh for heaven's sake!" Emma groaned as she rolled her eyes at the state of her army. "No more Miss Nice Witch." To Fitzroy she ordered. "Summon him." Fitzroy gulped.

"Must we?" Emma just glared at him. "Yes Mistress." He mumbled as he pressed a button that opened a portal in the middle of the battlefield.

"What the hell?" Scott wondered then paled when he saw what came out. It grinned at him.

"Prepare to face the power of Apocalypse!"

**&&&**

"I don't believe it." Brittany said as she and Rogue stared at Catseye, alive and with her mane intact.

"Believe it." Catseye grinned. "I gots nine-lives, after all."

"This is the greatest!" Brittany said as she hugged Catseye happily.

"Forgive me if I don't hug you." Rogue told Catseye sardonically.

"I'll manage." Catseye agreed.

"But the witch **killed** you!" Brittany protested. Catseye's fur rippled as she smirked.

"I gots better memory than her." Catseye purred. "She forget what came before Deep Magic. If someone dies for a traitor, the table will crack and death will be reversed."

"Nice little loophole." Rogue smirked.

"Isn't it though?" Catseye smirked back.

"But the battle—everyone thinks your dead and the battle started already!" Brittany told Catseye. "We have to help Peter and Edmund!"

"We will." Catseye promised. "But first we need to get help and I know where we can get it. Climb up." She said as she lowered herself to the ground to let Brittany and Rogue up. "Here we go." Catseye grunted as she started running with the two girls on her back.

"Where are we going?" Rogue asked.

"You'll see!" Catseye said.

**&&&**

"Fall back!" Scott yelled as Apocalypse tore through his army. "Retreat!"

"We're screwed." Todd gulped as he slimed Sabertooth and sent several wolves running from him, howling in dismay at his smell.

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" Bobby said as he summoned all his strength and encased Apocalypse in a block of ice. Apocalypse broke out in under half a minute. "Oh, I guess I can't. Sorry."

"Idiot." Althea muttered as she kicked Lex Luthor in the face and tossed him into Darkseid. "We're still outnumbered anyway!"

"We need a miracle about now!" Scott said. "Hint hint!"

"Catseye isn't due for a while yet." NEBULABELT shouted.

"Ah **crap**!" Scott moaned. "We're screwed!"

"Victory is assured!" Emma cackled from her chariot. "Soon—huh?" She wondered when she saw a new force coming up on the horizon.

"Wait a minute, there weren't any other armies in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe!" Kurt protested. NEBULABELT smirked.

"But there **is** in the Chronicles of Narnia." NEBULABELT reminded him. "There **is** another army in the stories. Look at where it's coming from." Everyone turned to look. It was coming from the south.

"Waitaminute, doesn't this mean—" Rahne asked. NEBULABELT smirked.

"Oh yeah."

Coming out from the south was another army, one that hailed from Narnia's southernmost neighbor: Calormene. At the head of the army was its leader, whose name was taken up as a warcry.

"**Sooraya**!" They shouted. "**SOORAYA**!"

"Wait just a cotton picking moment here!" Bobby protested. "Calormene is a country of **bad** guys!"

NEBULABELT sniffed. "Well I didn't much care for the simplistic and racist depiction of a 'good', white, fair, Christian north versus a 'bad', swarthy, dark-skinned pseudo-Muslim south."

"You just wanted an excuse to put Sooraya in, didn't you?" Althea deadpanned.

"Yeah, pretty much." NEBULABELT admitted as Sooraya turned herself into a dust storm that enveloped the witch's forces.

"Dare I ask what army she brought with her?" Scott asked as he looked. He winced. "I knew I didn't want to know."

"Oh dear god…" Raven said in horror. "It's so…pink."

"Am I seeing things or is there an army of My Little Ponies out there?" Robin said.

"You're not seeing things." Kim Possible said.

"I am going to **kill** this author." One rainbow-haired pink pony threatened menacingly, her eye twitching dangerously. Another one, a yellow pegasus, grinned.

"Hey, work is work, Par." He shrugged. "Plus it's an opportunity to maul huge numbers of people without feeling any guilt!"

"Heh, who ever feels guilt?" The pink one grinned. Apocalypse scoffed.

"Ponies? You dare to send ponies against **me**?" He laughed. The ponies glared at him.

"I think I know where this is headed…" Blue Beetle told Booster Gold, gulping.

"DESTROY HIM!" The pink pony bellowed. The horde of pastel equines charged at Apocalypse, trampling the giant mutant and everyone else in the area.

"There's nothing more humiliating than being saved by a bunch of pastel colored ponies." Bobby moaned.

"Yes there is." Althea countered. "And that's being **beaten** by pastel colored ponies!" She pointed at the witch's forces, which were being trampled, kicked, and beaten by ponies.

"Mommy…" Duncan gulped right before a unicorn speared him in the rear. "**YIIIEEK**!"

"Curse you Kymellian scum!" The Snark Commander growled, mistaken the Little Ponies for the white, vaguely horse-like aliens who were enemies of the Snarks.

"Oh dear." Granny Harkness winced as her Female Furies found themselves up against a horde of angry ponies out for blood.

"This has officially crossed into too weird, even for **us**!" Althea gaped.

"This can't get any weirder." Todd proclaimed.

"Ride ponies! Ride!" Gobo shrieked from his mount as he rode into the battle. Kurt groaned.

"That joke is never going to go away…"

"It isn't the only one." Althea said as she glared at Todd. "You really should know better at this point."

"I know." Todd groaned. "I know."

Emma, meanwhile, had strode into the middle of the battle and caught everyone's attention by turning several ponies into statues.

"If you want something done right." Emma said nonchalantly as she turned two diving pegasus into statues as well. "You have to do it yourself."

**&&&**

"Why did you bring us here?" Rogue asked Catseye as they walked into the Witch's castle.

"Need more help." Catseye said as the entered the statue garden of the White Witch's victims.

Brittany pointed to one statue. "Look! It's Mr. Tumnus!" Rogue and Catseye followed her. Sure enough, at the far end of the room, trapped as a diamond statue was Xi. She sniffed. "This happened because he helped me." Brittany said sadly.

Catseye regarded the statue for a moment before she nodded once and roared.

"What are you—" Rogue started to ask as Xi shuddered and started to revert back to normal.

"I've heard of waking up with morning breath, but using morning breath to wake up?" Beach Head asked in disbelief.

Xi gasped and fell forward, caught just in time by Rogue and Brittany. "What?" Xi asked in wonderment as Brittany hugged him.

"We have to hurry." Catseye said as she went from statue to statue, bringing them to life.

"Um, are you sure about restoring that one?" Rogue gulped as she pointed to one particularly giant statue of BIG BARDA.

"I can do it." Catseye said, misunderstanding Rogue's concern. When Catseye roared, Big Barda awoke.

"Where is she?" Big Barda demanded angrily. "I saw a witch darting between my feet when suddenly everything went black."

"She turned you into diamond." Brittany told her.

"Did she now?" Barda rumbled. "Well, this is **one** giant that isn't going to take that lying down!"

Catseye grinned at Rogue. "I think we'll do fine."

**&&&**

Back at the battle, the Witch's forces once again held the upper hand. Even with Sooraya's reinforcements, Emma Frost was still a force to be reckoned with.

Everywhere Scott looked, he saw his forces falling back against the superior numbers arrayed against them: Kim Possible dropped back as Tarot and Amelia Voight touble teamed her, Robin was busy with Sabertooth and Cree Lincoln, Jake Long was falling back against Solomon Grundee and the Joker.

"Retreat!" Scott shouted, though the word disgusted him. "Fall back! Before we're overrun! Edmund!" Scott shouted to Bobby. "Get out of here! Get the girls and go back to the wardrobe!"

Bobby felt himself being pulled away by Todd when he stopped short. He saw the Witch turning ally after ally into diamond with her wand.

"Screw this." Bobby muttered as he twisted away from Todd and headed for the witch. "Hey Frosty! You like ice? How about you have a taste of this!" Bobby shouted as he tried to freeze Emma. He missed, but he still managed to grab the wand, breaking it in two. And there was much rejoicing in the crowd.

"Yay." The audience said blandly.

Emma glared daggers at Bobby and kneed him in the groin, in her diamond form. "Owww…" Bobby moaned as his eyes turned up. He fell.

"**Edmund**!" Scott yelled as he blasted Braniac and Krulous out of his way and charged at Emma, sword in hand. Emma drew her own blade and blocked Scott's.

Emma grinned predatorily as she swung at Scott who hastily put up his sword in defense.

The two traded sword strokes, though Emma clearly came away from in a stronger position than Scott. Finally, Emma tripped Scott and prepared to run him through as he lay prone on the ground.

A sudden roar ripped through the air. Suddenly their attention—as well as the attention of everyone on the battlefield—was fixated on the source of the roar: A familiar purple lion perched on an outcropping.

"Impossible…" Emma murmured in astonishment. Catseye was soon joined by Brittany, Rogue, Xi and the Misfits and X-Men. And they weren't alone.

"**Meega…na la queesta!" **Stitch cackled as he and his six hundred twenty-five cousins arrived on the scene.

"Apparently someone **also** watched '_Leroy and Stitch_,'" Roadblock noted.

Catseye roared again and her reinforcements charged into the battle, turning the tide yet one last time.

The witch's forces shattered under the blow. Catseye batted away Aiden and Lobo as she went after Emma. Big Barda smacked her ex-comrades in the Female Furies away and kicked any bad guys smaller than her; which was pretty much all of them. The Misfits and X-Men brought their own powers and normal chaos to the battle, accompanied by the experiments.

"I like this guy!" Lance said as Experiment 513, named Richter for his ability to make earthquakes, teemed up to take out the Decepticon Rumble, who had been making earthquakes with his piledrivers.

"Agreed!" Amara said as she and Experiment 228, aka Melty, worked together to fry Hotstreak.

"I too, am starting to like these experiments." Willow acknowledged as she and 509, a plant-liked experiment called Sprout, worked together to subdue their enemies with miles of vines.

"These guys are kind of like mutants themselves." Ray agreed as he and Experiment 221, or Sparky, also combined their electrical powers on Bevatron.

"We should adopt them." Althea said as she and a water experiment, 501 or Yin, created a tidal wave to wash away their opponents.

"I must admit, they do grow on you." Scott said as Experiment 523, which fired plasma blasts out of its head, worked with Scott to subdue Magneto.

"No argument!" Fred said as he and a heavy-set Experiment 520, also called Cannonball, landed on Beef. Hard.

"I like this one!" Bobby said as Experiment 523—Slushy—froze Despero solid.

"Hey, you're supposed to be mortally wounded!" NEBULABELT shouted. "Start acting like it before I have you mortally wounded **for** **real**!"

"Gak." Bobby said as he fell over again.

Rahne looked around as the battle fell apart around her and did the only sensible thing. "Okay, I give up!" She said to the nearest good-guy near her, which happened to be Beast Boy.

"Um, can you **do** that?" He asked.

Rahne looked at him. "I just did. Besides, do you think NebulaBelt is going to let me get killed off?" Beast Boy thought about it and nodded.

"Okay, I guess you're on our side now?" He asked her. Rahne nodded. "So…if we're on the same side, how about you and I—"

"Finish that question and I gnaw your leg off." Rahne growled. Beast Boy shut up.

"I give up too!" Kurt said, fairly hopping from foot to foot. "**Please?**"

"How about you Bats?" The Flash asked him. "Wanna join the good guys again? "Batman glared at him.

"One thing I have to do first…" Batman growled as he smacked the Flash upside the head. "There. **Now** I'm done."

Trevor Fitzroy, knife drawn, advanced on the prostrate Bobby. "Time to settle the score." He hissed.

"Not so fast!" Rogue said as she placed an arrow in her bow and drew a bead on him. She fired the shot. It struck true.

"**Aiiieee**!" Trevor screamed pathetically as he toppled over. Then Rogue decided to be safe rather than sorry and fired the rest of the arrows in her quiver into the little creep."

"You know, I don't think that's **nearly** enough Trevor Fitzroy torture for this production." Rogue mused. NEBULABELT nodded.

"You're **absolutely** right." He agreed as he pushed a button. A boulder on one of the outcroppings fell onto Fitzroy, crushing him. Above Fitzroy's renewed screams, the author pushed one last button causing the boulder to explode. Fitzroy went rocketing through the sky. "That ought to do it." NEBULABELT thought. "For now."

Catseye meanwhile charged at Emma just as she was about to finish off Scott. She hit Emma with a flying tackle and landed on top of her.

Flattening her ears against her head, Catseye mewed. "Does Catseye **have** to?"

"It's just a play." NEBULABELT assured her. "You don't have to hurt Emma."

"Though it might win you some points in our book." Hawk muttered. Catseye sighed.

"If it for play…" She agreed as she pretended to finish off Emma.

Scott got up and looked around. Brittany was giving Bobby the healing potion Logan had given her and the rest of the villain's were being taken care of. The battle was over.

**&&&**

At the castle of Cair Paravel, a grand coronation was taking place. Catseye, assisted by Xi (she has no opposable digits as a lion), prepared to give four crones to Scott, Rogue, Bobby, and Brittany as they took their seats in the four thrones.

All of Narnia was in attendance, including the revived Coyote—much to Rahne's annoyance.

Catseye walked to Brittany and had Xi put a silver tiara on her head. "To the glistening eastern sea, I give you Queen Lucy, the Valiant," Catseye proclaimed. Brittany stuck out her tongue at Daria and Quinn, who were sulking in the audience. Catseye pretended not to notice as she moved on to Bobby, giving him a golden crown.

"To the great western woods, King Edmund, the Just," Catseye said loudly, over the snickering and eye-rolling.

"That dweeb is our king?" Fred said as he snorted. "I think I was better off as a statue!" Catseye continued on to Rogue.

"To the radiant southern sun, Queen Susan, the Gentle," Catseye said as a larger silver crown was placed on Rogue's head by Xi. Rogue snorted.

"To the clear northern skies, King Peter, the Magnificent." Catseye proclaimed loudly. Scott snickered.

"Ha! Eat it Alvers!" Scott crowed as the Narnians looked at each other and suddenly contemplated the values of a republic.

"Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen of Narnia!" Catseye reminded everyone.

"**Ah crap**!" Everyone in attendance moaned. Catseye, just wanting to wrap it up, delivered her last line. "Long live King Peter! Long live Queen Emily! Long live Queen Susan! Long live King Edmund! And long live Queen Lucy!"

No one echoed the chant. Catseye shrugged and walked out. "Catseye need bath." She muttered.

"And I thought she wasn't a tame lion." Bobby quipped.

"She'll be back…someday." Xi said. "Why I can't imagine."

**&&&**

Years past and the four Pevensies grew into their roles as monarchs…after the revolts were put down, the coup attempts thwarted and half of Narnia thrown into the dungeon. Really, what did you expect?

Anyway, one day they went out hunting after a white stage and found themselves confronted with an odd sight: a lamppost in the middle of the woods.

"What is that?" Bobby wondered.

"I don't know." Scott frowned.

"How can you forget what a bloody lamppost is?" Betsy wondered from the audience.

"This does look familiar." Brittany said.

"I wonder what's beyond these bushes." Rogue wondered as the four of them dismounted and pushed through the brushes and back into the wardrobe they passed through to get into Narnia so many years ago.

Four children fell out of the wardrobe and were met by Xavier. "Have a fun trip?" Xavier asked. "What's the weather like in Narnia these days?"

"You know about—" Scott began.

"I do." Xavier nodded. "I hope you enjoyed yourselves."

"We just regressed several decades in age." Rogue stated. "I really think we're going to need therapy for this…" As if he didn't hear her, Xavier continued.

"I wouldn't try going back that way. I've found that paths to Narnia open in places you least expect it. But I expect that you will find yourselves in Narnia again someday."

"But the trauma of reverting in age…" Rogue started again.

"**THE** **END**!" NEBULABELT proclaimed.

"Screech, whack, fade to black." Althea said. "Finally! It's over!"

"This play can't end enough for me!" Lance agreed as he headed for the exit.

"We're not done yet!" NEBULABELT snapped. "Everyone has to take a bow and—" He gulped when he noticed everyone glare at him. "I guess we can forgo that and call it a day." He relented. "But I would like to thank Red Witch, RogueFan, my mom, the Academy…"

"And the locksmith." Althea quipped as she flung open the door to NEBULABELT's private booth and control room. "It might be laser-proof, power-proof, and all that…but it doesn't help much if you forget to lock the door!"

"**D'OH!**" NEBULABELT cursed. "Gottago!" He gulped as he bolted out the door and towards the exit.

"**GET HIM!**" All the characters that were trapped in the play or the audience—good guys and bad—shouted as they charged after him, blood in their eyes. In their haste, everyone forgot one little detail…

**TEN HOURS LATER**

"Hello?" RogueFan and Red Witch asked, their voices echoing in the empty theater. "Could someone please untie us? Please? Anybody? Help?"

**&&&**

**THE END**

**A/N: All characters and shows are © to their respective owners. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe is © to C.S. Lewis. Thank you everybody!**


End file.
